Eight years after a mouth-breathing businessman and a fading rapper promised roughly 5,000 people a luxury concert experience on a private island in the Bahamas, only to deliver tents and cheese sandwiches in styrofoam, the former is fresh off his resulting prison stint and back with what he thinks is a bigger, better scam shindig. You already know what I’m talking about: Fyre Festival 2.0, baby.
“FYRE 2 is real. My dream is finally becoming a reality,” Billy McFarland, the founder of the fraudulent festival, told *checks notes* the Today show in an interview on Monday.
Now, if you’re anything like me, you probably have questions. For one, why is the Today show platforming a convicted felon? And how is said convicted felon empowered to have any part in organizing a luxury music festival when the very reason he went to prison was for helming what was advertised as a luxury music festival, but in reality, was a borderline refugee camp? Unfortunately, I cannot answer the first question. And as for the second question, well, we’re a country being led by a convicted felon, so.
“FYRE 2 really isn’t about the past, and it’s not really about me,” McFarland said. How convenient! “It’s about taking the vision, which is strong.”
What exactly does this “strong” vision entail? Well, according to MacFarland, he’s hired an actual festival operator (smart!) and is only really the frontman (dumb!) this time around. The setting? Isla Mujeres, Mexico where a myriad of accommodations—from hotels to rentals to boats—are offered. A total of 2,000 tickets, ranging from $1,400 to $1.1 million (!), went on sale Monday, and depending on how much the average sucker is willing to spend, McFarland said customers can have yacht accommodations and access to artists who will be performing.
“We’re going to have artists across electronic, hip hop, pop and rock,” McFarland told Today. “However, it’s not just music. We might have a professional skateboarder do a demonstration. We might have an MMA champion teach you techniques in the morning.” Have any artists, professional skateborders, or MMA champions been named yet? Nope.
As for what the million-dollar price point gets you? Per McFarland: “You will be on a boat, have the luxury yachts that we partner with who will be docked and parked outside the island.” I’m having visions of dinghies, anyone else?
“But once again, Fyre is not just about this, like, luxury experience,” he added. “It’s about the adventure. So you’ll be scuba diving with me. You’ll be bouncing around to other islands and other countries on small planes.” Scuba diving with a convict? Is this Fyre Fest or Epstein Island?
Unfortunately, I haven’t even gotten to the worst part yet: A minimum of $500,000 from the festival will go toward the $26 million in restitution McFarland still owes since his 2018 sentencing. So, basically this festival is funding his restitution fees from the prison stay that resulted from the first festival? Bleak. Even bleaker? McFarland claimed 100 tickets have already been sold.
Ja Rule, I’ll add, does not currently appear to be involved in any further hustling, scamming, bamboozling, hoodwinking, or leading astray.