The Cardi B Trial Is the Stuff of Internet Dreams

The rapper (and canned whipped cream entrepreneur) is in court over allegations that she scratched a security guard back in 2018.

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The Cardi B Trial Is the Stuff of Internet Dreams

Celebrity court-watching has always been an integral part of pop culture, but in recent years, thanks to folks like Gwyneth Paltrow, they’ve become a fun little exercise of frivolity. If you watched the Goop CEO’s 2023 ski trial in which she was accused of plowing into a 76-year-old retired optometrist, you remember the content.

This week, Cardi B (née Belcalis Marlenis Almánzar) has generated a buffet of memes by way of her own trial. The rapper (and canned whipped cream entrepreneur) wound up in court after a security guard Emani Ellis alleged Cardi scratched her cheek in the hallway of a Beverly Hills obstetrician’s office back in 2018. Two years after the alleged assault, Ellis filed a suit against Cardi for assault, battery, and intentional infliction of emotional distress as well as negligence and false imprisonment. According to Ellis, she was forced to seek treatment from a plastic surgeon after the alleged attack. Now, she’s seeking $24 million in damages.

For the last two days, Cardi took the stand to offer her perspective of the incident. By her account, the altercation never became physical, but she did admit to a verbal sparring match after Cardi thought Ellis had followed her to the doctor’s appointment and was recording her with her phone. At the time, Cardi B was pregnant with her first child with Offset and had yet to announce the news.

“I didn’t touch her,” Cardi told the court, adding that she repeatedly told Ellis to leave her alone. “It was like a verbal fight, but it didn’t get physical at all.”

When asked whether she was “angry” at Ellis that day, Cardi replied: “Yes, I was angry! Because I’m pregnant! And this girl’s about to beat my ass!”

The proclamation is one of many that’s since gone viral. Another sees Cardi insinuating that, if anything, Ellis could’ve done the most physical harm, as she was “bigger” than her.

“She looks like she’s a little…like she could protect the building,” Cardi answered when asked about their purported difference in statures. “She looked more developed than me.” Blatant fatphobia very much included, her appearances in court have been pretty much on par with Cardi’s particular brand of comedy.

The trial is expected to continue after the Labor Day holiday. Goody!


  • There’s a new Sabrina Carpenter album and the internet seems pretty split so far. [Billboard]
  • For some reason, Kim Kardashian is at the Venice Film Festival. [People]
  • For more clear reasons, many other people—from Ayo Edebiri to Emma Stone to Riley Keough—are too. [Daily Mail]
  • I’m not going to lie, Julia Roberts‘ defense of After The Hunt is making me a little nervous. [Variety]
  • As is Luca Guadagnino‘s… [The Hollywood Reporter]
  • Anyway! Here’s Lady Gaga and Jenna Ortega giving haute couture Hot Topic (haute topic, if you will). [Us Weekly]
  • Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift are reportedly getting closer and closer to snatching up an Ohio mansion. [Page Six]
  • Honestly, shoutout to Anna Kounrikova and Enrique Iglesias for still liking each other after 24 years together. [Just Jared]

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