A recent study out of the University of Nebraska, the Harvard School of Public Health and Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center shows that pot smokers, on average, have smaller waists and higher levels of “good cholesterol” than non pot smokers even though they tend to eat more. Finally, a diet plan that’s fun and effective!
Researchers don’t know what it is about marijuana that makes it such a useful regulator of blood sugar or how it manages to speed up you metabolism, but the proof is in the six pudding cups that you just watched your stoner cousin Tim down in one sitting. So how can one of these slim, THC-laden bodies be yours? As someone who doesn’t really smoke, I’m not sure myself, which is why I — like Dian Fossey going to live with the gorillas — reached out to some of my closest, highest friends (i.e. the ones who are currently on Gchat) for a little advice on how to follow the Stoner’s Diet Plan.
Follow the steps below and then add weed.
1. You can never be too prepared.
I’m lucky to be desk mates with Tracie Egan Morrissey whose book “Pot Psychology: How to Be” (which she cowrote with fellow Gawker writer Rich Juzwiak) is the perfect manual for stoners. When I asked her for diet advice, she just handed me a copy and directed me to page 217 — “How to Be a Pothead Without Gaining Weight.”
Here’s what they have to say on the subject:
The key to not eating like a dog with opposable thumbs is to prepare your snacks in advance of getting high. If you buy a crate of blueberries, you will eat that crate, but at least you won’t be eating a crate of donuts. Or dipping Milano cookies in peanut butter. Or toasting taco shells, breaking them up, and making nachos out of them. Or eating ramen noodles raw. Or making s’mores and substituting Cool Whip for marshmallows. Or eating a whole bag of marshmallows in one mouthful. That’s dangerous and best reserved for kids on YouTube. Only idiots would put their marijuana fueled exploits online.
(Check out Tracie and Rich’s webseries Pot Psychology here!)
When I bothered Rich for more information on how a non-smoker can eat like stoner, he was nice enough not to say “Outta my face, square!” and give me a real answer.
“I recommend buying healthy and throwing out anything unhealthy BEFORE you smoke,” he tells me, then adding this caveat: “But that often means that you just end up making a trip to the store when you are super high, which can be fun and scary and thus exhilarating.”
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