These Hilariously Outdated Fabio Book Covers Will Make Your Day

By Madeleine Davies  |  June 12, 2013 | 8:00pm
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Do you remember that episode from Cycle 7 of America’s Next Top Model when the contestants had to pose for fake romance novel covers alongside Fabio? If you saw it you’d definitely recall seeing as it might have been one of the grimmest things to have ever appeared on television. Fabio was at least twice the age of the season’s oldest contestant and watching the young girls feign (at best) enthusiasm and (at worst) horniness throughout the shoot was close to unbearable. Yeah, this is ANTM we’re talking about here (and an ANTM episode from 2006 no less), but come on — having the girls pose with a weathered old traffic cone in a Kelly Bundy wig would have had similar results and it would have been much more fun to watch.

But let’s think back to a time when Fabio was a whole lot more than the I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter spokesman Tyra used to terrify her charges. (Sorry, Fabio — you’ve already been through enough.) How about we take a walk down memory lane to the male model’s glory days — the 80s and early 90s — when he was appearing on the covers of countless romance novels and was considered one of the world’s hottest sex symbols.

Sincerely, his work from that time is worth celebrating and revisiting. Not only is it amazingly nostalgic, cheesy and outdated, but all of his covers tell incredible stories on their own. You don’t even need to read the book!

Hope you wore your least valuable bodice, ladies, ’cause that shit’s about to get ripped.

Spoiler alert: This novel is actually about a pervert horse that watches people do it through windows.

Is that you, Jabba the Hutt? You been taking that Trim Spa, baby?

This is where you need to consider fantasy vs. reality. You can fantasize about fucking on a ladder, but you probably shouldn’t do it unless you want to break your neck.

This one’s a rare bird! Of all the covers I went through, Dark Whispers is the only one where the man had his head thrown back and the woman appeared in a more dominant/less vulnerable physical position.

Oh, noooooo! Fabio’s workout outfit is embarrassingly similar to the outfit I wear pretty much every day. I reject Fabio because I am Fabio.

THIS MAN’S ARM IS MADE OF BROOOOOOONZE.

Here, Fabio looks almost like Cheers era Ted Danson and I. am. into. it.

If “dangerous” Fabio is ever looking for a “dangerous” gang, these guys might be jumping in new members.

“He was a naked peasant living naked in a field of wheat. She was the daughter of a nobleman and had a vagina growing out of her back. It was a love that couldn’t be. It was a passion that couldn’t be denied.”

[Official Fabio Internet Fan Club]

 
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