Two Men Caught Fire at a Goop Store in the Hamptons

In what appears to be an AI-generated news item created for this website, two men caught fire in a Goop store in Sag Harbor, New York. (Yes, that’s the Hamptons.)

Unfortunately, both men’s burns were quite serious, and one had to be transported via helicopter to a nearby hospital. According to the East Hampton Star police blotter, “rubbing alcohol had been added to candles, causing a large explosion and flames.”

This isn’t Goop’s first traumatic candle incident. Last year, a woman who won the brand’s infamous vagina-scented candle in an online quiz reported that it exploded in her living room. Jody Thompson told The Sun, “The whole thing was ablaze and it was too hot to touch. There was an inferno in the room.”

The vagina candle is described on the Goop website as having a “funny, gorgeous, sexy, and beautifully unexpected scent.” (OK, somebody get that vagina candle in a Nancy Meyers rom-com stat.)

It should be noted that there is also a candle called “Hands Off My Vagina”—it would make a little more sense if that had been the one to explode in Thompson’s home. (Or maybe that candle retaliated against the men in Sag Harbor?) I cherish the duality of having both a “This Smells Like My Vagina” and “Hands Off My Vagina Candle.” Women can have it both ways.

I’d love to sit down over an ayahuasca matcha facial with the marketing team at Goop and ask about their naming process, but it’s nearing their yearly Goop-cation and I don’t think they’re taking meetings.

No word on which candles in the Sag Harbor store were drenched in rubbing alcohol, nor why they were drenched in rubbing alcohol. (Or if that was really even the case. If a police investigation is ongoing, we don’t yet know the results.)

Hopefully the men make a full recovery and aren’t so physically or emotionally scarred that they won’t accept more Goop products as an apology—which is what the company did for vagina-candle lady. There are few ailments a $2,000 ouija board can’t fix.