On Tuesday, Dave Grohl announced he’s—once again—become a father in the most…creative of ways.
“I’ve recently become the father of a new baby daughter, born outside of my marriage,” the Foo Fighters founder wrote in a statement posted to Instagram. “I plan to be a loving and supportive parent to her.” Nice passive voice, guy! Did a stork just…drop this baby daughter on your doorstep? Or, did she arrive by (transgender illegal) alien spacecraft?
“I love my wife and my children, and I am doing everything I can to regain their trust and earn their forgiveness.”
Oh! He had an affair. I got it now.
“We’re grateful for your consideration toward all the children involved, as we move forward together,” he concluded. Frankly, I’m just annoyed that he didn’t find a way to fit “I’ve got another confession to make” somewhere in there.
Grohl, who’s been married to Jordyn Blum since 2003, has three other daughters: Violet, 18, Harper, 15, and Ophelia, 10. Since the announcement, the eldest
deactivated her Instagram account. I mean, can you blame her? Although, I’d do more than deactivate if I learned my father had an affair,
and he announced the child of said affair like a college football coach announces he’s accepted a post at a rival university.
- Following Taylor Swift‘s endorsement of Vice President Kamala Harris, former president Donald Trump says he likes Brittany Mahomes better. [Variety]
- Meanwhile, Elon Musk should be sterilized. [Page Six]
- R.I.P. Dr. Nicole Martin. She’s hasn’t died, but the Real Housewives of Miami might without her. [Daily Mail]
- Back when times were simpler, Matthew Lawrence and Justin Timberlake had beef. [People]
- Tom Cruise doesn’t get paid extra for stunts that could literally kill him. [The Hollywood Reporter]
GET JEZEBEL RIGHT IN YOUR INBOX
Still here. Still without airbrushing. Still with teeth.
