It’ll come as no shock you to learn that boys and girls in these modern-day United States, fed on country-fried steroidal chicken breasts and good ol’ American colas, have begun to hit puberty at earlier ages than they ever have before. This might actually be a good thing in some respects, since early adolescence may point to improvements in our overall nutrition (modern people no longer eat straw and pebbles like their 17th-century ancestors), as well as give kids a longer grace period during which to familiarize themselves with their own sexuality. Early puberty may also, unfortunately, give kids a longer bout with the great scourge of adolescent self-esteem, acne.
According to some grim, soothsaying dermatologists interviewed by USA Today, early puberty means earlier appearances of acne for kids as young as seven, which is really a shitty way to be purged of childhood innocence and be rudely, prematurely introduced to the crippling self-consciousness of adulthood. The report paints a (fairly broad-stroke) picture of grade schools populated with acne-riddled nine-year-olds, who, rather than playing freeze tag at recess, are trading skincare regimens:
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