Heidi Klum Spent Halloween as a Wrinkled Old Lady

CelebritiesDirt Bag

Heidi Klum, the wonderful and miraculous patron saint of Unsexy Halloween, attended her annual party as an extremely wrinkly old woman. She’s honestly unrecognizable — look at the fake veins on her legs and hands. She must be wearing fake skin over her skin, like a festive version of Necromancer pants.

Heidi wins Halloween (sorry, Miley and everyone who dressed up as Miley.) [E!, images via Instagram and Getty]

Michael Fassbender says that it’s sexual harassment when everyone obsesses over his penis, which, yes, it is. But then he insists that there’s a double standard in Hollywood, which, no there is not:

”It wouldn’t be acceptable, it would be seen as sexual harassment, people saying [to an actress], ‘Your vagina …’ You know?”

Umm… remember “We Saw Your Boobs,” anyone? Remember every time a female celebrity was snapped getting out of the car with no underwear and the media descended upon her like a swarm of hungry sharks? Creepily fetishizing the naked bodies of celebrities is something that happens far too often — to celebrities of every gender.

With that said, I vehemently agree that the world needs to leave Fassbender’s manhood alone. [Celebitchy]

In perhaps the GOOP-iest sentence I’ve ever the misfortune of penning, Gwyneth Paltrow talks work-life balance. “I personally think that the work-life balance for a woman should be exactly what she feels right for her,” says Gwynnie, who is very rich and does not have to work if she so elects, to Red.

The sentiment is nice, if completely out of touch with most women’s lived reality: “When I’m with my kids, I give them everything I have. And when I’m not, I give whatever I’m doing everything I have. And that’s my work/life balance.” [Hello]

  • Good news on the Lamar Odom/Khloe Kardashian front: apparently Lamar told Us, “We’re wonderful. We’re unbreakable. That’s why I wear my wedding ring. It is a beautiful ring. For a beautiful wife.” Aww, I really hope this is not a tabloid-lie. [Us]
  • Simon Cowell was smoking a cigarette in a car with his pregnant girlfriend because Simon Cowell wants the lungs of every infant to be as black as his heart/very deep v-neck tee. [Daily Mail]
  • Kristin Chenoweth got a pixie cut! All of you must be SO TIRED from updating your Celebrity Hair Lists this week. [Just Jared]
  • Lana Del Rey was asked to perform at the Kimye proposal but she declined without giving a reason (potential reason: complete and total terror). There go your Oscar chances, Lana. [Radar]
  • Honey Boo Boo and her family were the Kardashians for Halloween. Of course Honey Boo Boo was Kris Jenner. [People]
  • Nicki Minaj went as “someone in a leather thong with a Nicki Minaj iPhone case.” [MissInfo.tv]
  • Beyonce didn’t even dress up. [Just Jared]
  • Um, in case you were interested (you weren’t): celebrities who have been single all year. [Bossip]
  • I hope this is true, because it’s really sweet: Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones are back together and he was overheard gushing about her all night. [NY Daily News]
  • Orlando Bloom explained why he and Miranda Kerr broke up, and it’s because she was sexting Justin Bieber. Ha ha, just kidding (sobs); that’s not true at all. Says Bloom, “life sometimes doesn’t work out exactly how we plan or hope for.” [The Hollywood Gossip]
  • Heidi Montag is getting her breasts reduced from a size F to a size D, for health reasons. [The Hollywood Gossip]
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