Let's Take a Moment to Admire This Sweet Fatty 


Hello. Got a minute? I’d like to introduce you to Chubbs, this honkin’ gator that showed up on a golf course in Florida.

Take a look. Have you ever seen a reptile that size? Chubbs is literally in danger of falling over, which he kind of does in the video above. That’s okay, though, because sometimes it’s hard to put one foot in front of the other.

Who can blame him? It’s hot outside and there are people golfing in his backyard. Like Chubbs, we got problems. Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson broke up. The President is saying stuff. Why not just plop yourself down wherever you are and lay motionless for a couple of hours? Chubbs, this swaggering animal, is something of an inspiration in this political and cultural moment; you can escape all of this without being blasted into the sun, a fate I sometimes wish for when I see Elon Musk’s name in the news.

Chubbs, he’s bogged down by the weight of his physical being. Me, I’m bogged down by the fact that when my parents were my age, they were engaged to be married and well on their way to a sense of financial stability I will never know. We’re basically soulmates. I love him. I’ll protect him at all costs. Stop making golf courses in Chubbs’ home!

Do you feel a little bit like Chubbs today? That’s fine. Maybe you just take a break down. You don’t gotta respond to that text. No one cares if you don’t go to that party tonight. Just get on all fours and then let yourself go. Meet the ground where you are. Tomorrow is another day. And you will rise up to meet it. Whenever you feel like it. Or don’t.

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