Mom Attempts to Serve Vagina Cookies to 2nd Grade Class, It Ends Badly

By C.A. Pinkham  |  September 25, 2014 | 1:21am
In Depth

Who’s up for some lady fingers? Well, not fingers, as such.

As reported by Mommyish, someone posted a story to the TIFU (Today I Fucked Up) subreddit about a friend who teaches second grade. This friend allows parents to bring in snacks for the kids, and didn’t think anything was out of the ordinary when one mom eagerly volunteered. Nothing seemed amiss, in fact, until the lady showed up with a tray of vagina cookies and cheerfully said that the teacher could use the cookies to inform the kids about vaginas.

On the one hand, honesty and accurate terminology about their genitals and the biological functions thereof is important for kids, as Tracy Moore illustrated earlier today. On the other hand, 2nd grade teachers shouldn’t be expected to randomly and effectively teach sex ed or health, and vulvadoodles are definitely not the best way to accomplish that in general (for one thing, that’s going to give kids a REALLY inaccurate view of a vagina’s flavor profile) (oh God I’m so sorry). So the teacher informed the mom that they couldn’t use the cookies because it wouldn’t be appropriate (plus, other parents in the class would be guaranteed to lose their shit at her).

The mom, perhaps unsurprisingly, flipped out and started shouting about vaginas in front of the class. When she finally left, the teacher scraped off the vagina icing and served the cookies to the kids as plain old sugar cookies (no, I’m not making the obvious waxing joke here). Things mostly seemed to settle down (apart from one concerned Dad calling in to ask why his kid had randomly started talking about vaginas) when the teacher received an e-mail from CrazyMom which…well, better let you guys just take a look at it:

Yeah.

The redditor also left an update to the story about what ultimately happened in the aftermath:

The kid was removed from class by the parent and moved to a private school
The parent is no longer allowed on district property
School administration refused to answer whether or not they were taking action
No pictures were taken of the cookies
No action was taken against my friend, administration deemed she handled it professionally
The cookies were actually pretty good

It goes without saying that the lead image is not of vagina cookies — the teacher apparently took no pictures, and you have no idea how sad that makes me. It’s likewise important to reiterate that the original source here is Reddit. In short, it wouldn’t surprise me at all if this was entirely fabricated. That last line in the supposed text message really hammers it home, because I have trouble believing anyone could have that little self-awareness (and if it is real…holy goddamn shit). Until Hudson Hongo works his dark magic** and confirms it’s some shit, I’m going to operate as if it’s true, however.

* I’m assuming this just involves actual diligent research and no blood rituals whatsoever, as opposed to my own authenticity verification process, which in this case involved shouting “HUR HUR HOOHA COOKIES!” at my screen and hoping for the best.

Image via Marie C Fields/Shutterstock.

 
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