This Little Beauty Queen Insists She's "Smiling On The Inside"

On last night’s episode of Toddlers & Tiaras, we got to meet Karmen, a miserable six-year-old girl. Also, a pageant boy was profiled. More after the jump.

Last night’s episode featured the Winter Wonderland pageant — which was “glitz”, but did not have cash prizes — and followed Karmen, 6, the “smiling” girl from the clip above:

Payton, 6, the first boy the show has ever profiled.

Destiny, 5, who seemed to have been experiencing a cold sore.

And Destiny’s little sister Daylee, 2.

So, what’s up with Daylee?

Daylee and Destiny’s mom admits to being a stage mother. She’s really into the glitz aspect of the pageants, which, for her, means Kim Mathers-esque lipstick application.

Of her pageant look, Destiny says, verbatim: “I think I look different at the pageants because I look prettier than I do at [sic] now.”

D&D’s mom is also not above putting wigs on her two-year-old daughter, which she arranges on this terrifying “Daylee” head.

As for six-year-old Payton, Winter Wonderland will be his last hurrah. His father thinks it’s time for him to “retire,” saying, “Hopefully he’s gonna move on to four-wheeler racing.”

Of his son’s “king” tiaras, the dad says, “Some of the girl crowns look kinda funny, but he’s really all boy about it.”

But I have a feeling that Payton’s forced “retirement” is actually an attempt to inhibit the kid from growing up and being “all boy” about other things, like dating. Also, I think their aim is to discourage remarks like this, post-puberty.

It seems that his mother desperately wanted a daughter. Exhibit A:

But she insists that “Payton is living proof that a boy can do anything in pageants than a girl can do.” Yeah, it’s about time someone put a crack in that Swarovski ceiling.

Essentially, the lesson here is that repression is not for dreams, just sexual orientation.

I have to say it, only because it’s punny because it’s true: Karmen is a bitch.

But anyone who was tortured would be that way.

Her lack of enthusiasm for pageants and all other competitive activities was demonstrated by the fact that she would rather play tic tac toe alone.

I love that her rebellious nature was perceived by the other children as insanity.

Karmen’s mom defended her own mental state when she said, “I don’t think I’m over-the-top-crazy mom.” I beg to differ.

Betty was the pageant emcee. She was a total curmudgeon. She never smiled once during the whole episode, she was pissed off when children were late for lineup, and she had the audacity to say, “Everyone remember: glitter belongs on your dress, not on your hair or your skin.” What is she doing in this industry!?

Totally unrelated, I kind of loved the arm-pump reaction this little girl had when she mistakenly thought she won “Most Beautiful.”