We Are Living in the Stupidest Possible Timeline

Senate confirmation hearings for South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem, Trump’s pick to head the Department of Homeland Security, were always going to be stupid. I just didn’t know it would reach “sex change operations for illegal immigrants” levels of stupid.

By Kylie Cheung | January 17, 2025 | 4:24pm

Photo: Screenshot Politics

We Are Living in the Stupidest Possible Timeline

As we barrel into the jaws of Trump 2.0, I often find myself thinking things can’t get any stupider. I am always wrong!

On Friday, the Senate held confirmation hearings for South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem, Donald Trump’s pick to head the Department of Homeland Security. As I see it, this nomination itself seems like the greatest threat to Americans’ safety—certainly the safety of all our dogs. (RIP Cricket.) Trump said in November that he chose Noem for this position because she “has been very strong on Border Security.” Noem, I remind you, resides in South Dakota. And as governor, she’s targeted and baselessly smeared Native American tribes in the state as beneficiaries of “drug cartels.”

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Predictably enough, the hearing focused almost entirely on demonizing immigrants, who Senate Republicans repeatedly referred to as “aliens” and “illegals,” all as they back a president who is a serially accused rapist and legally recognized sexual abuser convicted of numerous felonies. Ah well, nevertheless!

At one point, the newly elected Sen. Bernie Moreno (R-OH), deeply committed to lowering the cost of gas and eggs for his constituents, asked Noem how she’ll handle “sex change operations for illegals,” something very real that is definitely happening.

“Senator, I believe that the DHS will be re-evaluating its mission moving forward to not allow that,” Noem replied. Shouldn’t be hard to stop something that isn’t happening from happening. Preemptive congratulations to any undocumented immigrants who request and receive cost-free sex change operations if-slash-when that happens!

The “sex changes for illegals” smear emerged as one of Trump’s popular one-liners against Kamala Harris on the campaign trail. He also used the line at their one presidential debate: “Now she wants to do transgender operations on illegal aliens that are in prison,” he said. “This is a radical left liberal that would do this.” For months, you couldn’t watch a football game without seeing campaign ads pushing that talking point. Of course, per the New York Times, only two federal prisoners have ever received gender-affirming surgeries and both were citizens. But it feels insane to even have to spell any of this out. I sometimes can’t help but wonder: When did everyone get so fucking dumb???? I guess it’s less stupidity (but still a lot of it!!!!) than it is the vile nexus of racism, xenophobia, and transphobia.

Also during her hearing, Noem boasted about her close relationships with Indigenous communities in South Dakota, all while she is legally banned from entering reservations across the state. And, at a time of growing discontent for all the obvious reasons, she pledged to work with the CIA to identify how Americans are being “radicalized.” Spoiler alert: Anyone who hates Trump (hi!!) is a radical.

Big congrats to everyone who voted for all of this because eggs are $5. I’m sure a DHS internal investigation into taxpayer-funded “sex change operations for illegals” will fix it all.