Jezebel managing editor Erin Gloria Ryan has met Governor O’Malley, and maintains that there is “nothing behind the eyes.” But… I mean, so? He hates guns, he loves to swim in cold water, and, DRUMROLL, he plays in a celtic rock band!!!
What more could anyone possibly want out of a presidential candidate and hypothetical sex partner? But the Jezebel staff, plus Gawker social media strategist Terron Moore, had some competing thoughts:
Anna Merlan: If he was wearing his band outfit, not his debating outfit.
Jia Tolentino: I actually think no!
Clover Hope: Yeah why not.
Emma Carmichael: Yes.
Madeleine Davies: Yah.
Julianne: I would absolutely NOT fuck Martin O’Malley.
Jia: I mean, this is confusing me because my type is white man who won’t stop talking, but I really think no.
Julianne: Hey wait also WHY IS HE WALKING AROUND WITH HIS SHIRT OFF
Joanna: It is weird to me that he has no hair.
Bobby Finger: Martin O’Malley waxes his chest every Monday/Wednesday/Friday.
Jia: YES. That’s it. I can’t do the waxed chest.
Bobby: Who was our last president who flaunted their hairy chest?
Bobby: Not B.O.
Bobby: Not Clinton.
Bobby: Don’t see much chest hair on GWB TBH.
Julianne: I can’t imagine boning Clinton, also. Like I know everyone’s all charisma etc, but like
Joanna: I would any president.
Jia: Even Taft?
Bobby: Would not bone Clinton would not bone Bush would not bone Barack.
Jia: Would NOT bone Barack? I would very bone Barack.
Terron: I feel like Obama anytime and Clinton in the 90s are without question.
Julianne: Guys…
Julianne: I would maybe bone G.W. Bush.
Joanna: Would totally bone W. Not Nixon prob.
Bobby: Would not bone Reagan. Would maybe bone Ford but not Nixon.
Bobby: Would not bone Johnson. Would not bone Kennedy.
Julianne: WHAT
Julianne: HOW WOULD YOU NOT BONE KENNEDY
Bobby: I don’t need to be JUST ANOTHER NOTCH ON HIS BELT.
Joanna: That is crazy.
Julianne: YOU ARE INSANE
Kate: Yeah I’m really not interested in presidents.
Joanna: They r my number 1 interest probably.
Kate: He has a weak jaw (Kennedy)
Jia: I would pay to have sex with him.
Julianne: SAME
Joanna: I would complete an internship.
Bobby: I’m SO sorry I don’t want to bone JOHN F KENNEDY
Bobby: “You didn’t miss much” – Jackie
Anna: Eh he looks like a rich kid.
Julianne: You guys are fucking un-American.
Anna: Least fuckable president is definitely William Henry Harrison.
Emma: Coolidge was also pretty bad.
Erin: Look almost everybody is fuckable when they’re young.
Anna: At least Taft didn’t die in 30 days from not wearing a coat at his inauguration.
Julianne: Roosevelt is def a would though! THAT MIND!
Julianne: I WOULD BONE ROOSEVELT FOR HIS MIND
Erin: How about this dweeb?
Anna: Polk looks like Stephen Colbert crossed with Hiddleston only less hot.
Julianne: I would scare the fuck out of young FDR.
Julianne: FDR could not handle me.
Erin: Look, I think there was a line in American history, prior to which all the presidents had syphilis.
Julianne: I would bone every founding father.
Emma: Lin Manuel’s next musical.
We got a little off-topic, sure! But now it’s your turn:
Embed was removed for legal reasons
Last time on Would U?, we asked: Would you have sex with the cool and tough Ted Cruz in this poster for sale on his website? 72% answered “No,” 8% answered “Yes,” and 20% answered “Only from behind.”
Contact the author at [email protected].
Image via Flickr/Tom Nappi.
