An Apology

By Cannibal Witch | June 11, 2018 | 5:50pm

Latest

I did something really stupid in haste to a reporter at Fast Company (slow-roasted a child over a period of several days and then offered some to them). There’s no excuse for it, except for that I was hungry and am trying to practice my slow roasting. So technically, I’ve slow-roasted several children over several days (a few came out burnt, or were still mostly raw). It was shitty and I’m sorry, but as we know that doesn’t matter because there is damage done (so many roasted children). Still, I am sorry and recognize how dumb it was. (I should have practiced on non-human animals before going straight to children.)

Honestly I have tried very hard to not do dumb things or hurt people around me, except for the tenderest children, but I fucked this one up bad, because not only have I been uninterruptedly slow roasting children in a marinade of other children and garlic, but I have also been muttering to myself, “You underperforming children. Just wait until you over-perform—in my mouth.” Don’t know what else I can say except sorry. It was not the right thing to do. If I had to slow roast so many children, a process that takes many hours and can be taken back at any number of moments, I should have at least offered to share them via a town’s feast.