Ben & Jerry Apparently Graduated From Hogwarts

In Depth

Real-life ice cream superhero company Ben & Jerry’s has apparently decided to use their magical powers to solve all of our problems and take us on a train to Delicioustown with their new line of Core ice creams.

The idea is simple. You know how when you put toppings on ice cream, they vanish as soon as the top layer of sweet, delicious sugar cream is consumed? FUCK THAT NOISE! There’s a giant vertical channel of topping tunneled straight through the middle of the pint. Ever have trouble deciding between two flavors of ice cream? BAM! Two flavors in one pint. Reports are mum as to whether the line was initially titled Ben & Jerry’s How Has No One Been Stoned Enough to Think of This Before Ice Creams before the munchies wore off, but the flavors include Hazed & Confused (chocolate and hazelnut ice cream with fudge chips and a fudge core), That’s My Jam (chocolate and raspberry ice cream with a raspberry jam core), Chocolate Peanut Butter Fudge (chocolate and peanut butter ice cream with mini peanut butter cups and a peanut butter fudge core, and now I need to put on clean shorts), and Salted Caramel (salted caramel ice cream with blondie bits and a salted caramel core).

What sorcery possess you, Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield, and when will the Nobel committee recognize your sterling body of lifetime achievement?

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