Ladies, are you looking for a place to crash in Los Angeles? A man with some pretty specific thoughts about how you could fit into his life has an exciting opportunity for you.
Posted in the Rooms/Shares section of the housing ads on Craigslist Los Angeles is this very, very, VERY specific ad detailing what every waking moment of your life would be like if you decide to move in with him. Of course we know this could very well be fake (so many of these are lately) but damn if this isn’t an elaborate piece of work just for a fake post joke.
Behold, “Seeking GF, Musician & Work Partner to share space (Los Feliz):
Here is what a great day looks like for me. If you agree, reach out. If you don’t, just move on. That simple.
* We wake up and cuddle, talk, make love, be affectionate.
* I cook you breakfast (I’m a damn good cook) or you cook me breakfast or we take turns.
* We talk about God and our spiritual lives; our questions, concerns, hopes, fears, etc.
* We read Scripture and Pray together. Yes, I am a Christian. An intelligent, mature Christian, unlike the BS you often see on TV. I’m non-denominational and quite frankly, can’t stand most churches or most American Christians. I go to a church sometimes, but the majority of my spiritual life is concerned with the “inner” life as opposed to the “outer” life.
* We work together in the office, putting light into the world. I have a number of businesses; recording music in my pro home studio, music management, an educational blog – and I do freelance business development for other clients. For 5 years, my ex-gf worked with me (notice I said WITH ME and not “for me”). She loved her job, made good money at it and we both loved the experience. I know how to run a fair and equitable office that separates work and pleasure. I’m a great boss that give rewards, but I also know when to draw the line and I don’t accept slacking.
* If you have another part-time job or projects of your own, you work the other half a day on these. If you need my help, just call and I’ll happily help. I have launched three ex-gf’s careers and I’m good at it.
* We exercise or do some manual labor. Anything to get out of the office, off our butts and out of our heads. Yoga, walking, cycling, rollerblading, hiking, mountain climbing, whatever.
* We help someone in need. Often I visit the homeless in my ‘hood and give them what they need; toothpaste, socks, food, etc. I believe we are required to do this, and I enjoy it. You should too.
* We stay up late talking, having a snack, cuddling.
* We take vacations to explore other parts of the country and world. I am gearing my business to make it a regular part of my life soon and am interested in relocating out of the US; you are too.
If a day has most of this in it, it’s a great day for me.
You feel much the same way.
First of all, dude wants a robot. Not an actual human being. Secondly, HOLY SHIT. You have to spend every minute of your day working out, having snacks, do Yoga, reading the Bible, praying or whatever the hell else this dude wants you to do to keep him company. It’s cool if you have your own career because he is willing to jump in and take over that part of your life as well. But remember, his ex-girlfriend really like this whole arrangement! That’s why she got the fuck out of that relationship, because it was just so, so rewarding for her and not at all smothering or anything.
There’s more. In order to be worthy enough to do exactly what this guy dictates you do each and every day you have to be the exact specific kind of person he is looking for:
Since I’ve run into so many crazies here, let me be even more specific:
Uh-huh. They’re the “crazies”. Sure. OK.
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