Drew Peterson's Girlfriend Moves In • Sex Offender Wins Lottery Sponsored By Victim Advocacy Group


• 23-year-old Christina Raines, mother of two and Drew Peterson’s newest girlfriend, has just moved in with him. Her family and friends are understandably upset. •

Two year old Nigel Mutemagau is currently being held in a maximum security prison in Zimbabwe. He was abducted with his parents, and is now reportedly in solitary confinement. Chico, a love-sick parrot, has been put on Prozac to combat her possessive obsession with her owner. • According to government health officials, STD rates are on the rise for the first time in years, with reported cases of chlamydia at an all time high. • In attempts to widen its audience beyond the bride-to-be demographic and capture the elusive currently-breastfeeding-women group, The Knot Inc. has purchased Breastfeeding.com. • A Chicago salon formerly named “Ossama’s” has just changed its name to “Obama’s.” Click through for a pointless slide show featuring pictures of Osama bin Laden and the back of Obama’s head. • New research has found that oestrogen hormone therapy, a treatment for symptoms of menopause, causes the female brain to shrink. • Companies in Britain are now offering their employees “Botox leave.” Seriously? • In an incredibly tasteless move, an Austrian theater company has announced that they plan to stage a satiric soap opera about Joseph Fritzl, titled “Fritzl’s Bed and Breakfast.” • An anti-litter campaign is asking McDonald’s to help deliver the anti-litter message at the point of sale. • Is chocolate keeping you up at night? Maybe, says the National Sleep Foundation. • In other candy news, the famous Cadbury Dairy Milk chocolate bar will now feature the warning “CONTAINS: MILK” on its label for those customers confused by the misleading name. • One in four women report having unprotected sex after running out of the Pill. • Lucy Newmann, 22, was out with her friends at a bar in Scotland when she was punched in the face in an alleged anti-England attack. • The wife of Richard Batista, the man who sued for the return of his kidney, has spoken out against Batista, calling him “hyper-suspicious” and insanely jealous. • In a depressingly ironic twist of fate, Alec Ahsoak, a 53-year-old sex offender, recently won $350,000 in a lottery sponsored by an advocacy group for sex abuse victims. •

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