Get Ready for the First Female Navy SEALS


Defense department officials will announce today that for the first time, women who can swing it will be allowed to join elite military squadrons like the Navy SEALS. (Hacky joke about PMS making women TOUGHER THAN NAVY SEALS.) (Hacky joke about how anyone who thinks women aren’t tough obviously hasn’t been to a black Friday sale at my local Target amirite?)

According to the Times, while we’ve known for awhile that women will be allowed to officially serve in certain combat roles, today’s the day we’ll learn how the Defense Department plans to involve women in the top levels of its various branches without relaxing the physical standards required for membership.

Including women in combat was, at this point, a formality, as women have been fighting and dying alongside men in Afghanistan and Iraq without being formally recognized as having served in combat for many moons. This limited their options for advancement in the military. Opening up elite squadrons for women who want to try out will allow ladytypes to be rejected en masse just like most of the men who try out. ULTIMATE EQUALITY ACHIEVED!

Only time will tell if jowly southern Senator Saxby Chambliss’s theory that women’s irresistibly sexy presence in the armed services causes men to rape them bears out.


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