Is the Cure for Our Loneliness Epidemic…Staying in Gwyneth Paltrow’s Guest House?

A lot of things have been offered up as the cure to America’s unique loneliness epidemic. Most recently, the New York Times suggested that men take up pickleball. Some architects and social psychologists think that the lack of public space, like shopping malls, contributes to the problem and that we should invest in more of it. Pseudo science savant, Gwyneth Paltrow, on the other hand, thinks we can cure this damn thing by having two people spend an evening trying out her soaps.

In a post that, in my opinion, deserves to go down in spon-con history, the Goop founder announced that she was partnering with Airbnb to combat the country’s loneliness epidemic by allowing two people to stay in her guest house for one night.

The post reads:

Loneliness is a human condition, but in the past few years, increased isolation and our lack of community has made our lives even more fragmented. @airbnb had the brilliant idea of doing something to make the world a little less lonely, which is why I’m inviting you to come stay at my Montecito guesthouse for a night. While we may begin as strangers, I hope we’ll find connections and commonalities over a delicious meal. Lay by the pool, go on one of my favorite hikes and of course you’ll have a bathroom stocked with my favorite @goop products for a truly luxuriating stay.

“Another amazing thing we can do when you come and stay is we could have a little chef’s dinner in our wine room and you can select whatever bottle of wine you like and we can have a fantastic cozy dinner with your guest and my husband,” Paltrow says in the Instagram video—evoking a wonderful, low-key A-list evening, but using words that suggest there’s a strong possibility she won’t be anywhere within the vicinity of Montecito when her guests arrive.

The Airbnb landing page for the promotion does promise that Paltrow will “be there to greet you upon your arrival and ensure you have all the necessities for a comfortable and rejuvenating stay,” but I imagine the choppers will be fully fueled and ready to immediately airlift her to the nearest thermal hot spring to recuperate from shaking a plebe’s hand.

Airbnb also promises that “goop-inspired meals and snacks” will be available for guests, so I guess that means there will be plenty of bone broth and black coffee to knock back. Yum!

The stay—which, again, is being pitched as a way to be less lonely—offers highly sociable activities such as transcendental meditation, soaking in the guest house tub, and a spa day with, again, only one other guest on a compound in the remote hills of Montecito. Pickleball be damned.

So if you’re going through a particularly lonely time, why not throw your hat into the ring to be the chosen one staying at an isolated, empty ranch? When Gwyneth Paltrow abandons you after a quick hello and immediately forgets your name, you’ll at least be able to console yourself with some Goop branded face wash.