Hot Dog Heiress Senator Wants Dems to Be More Like…the Detroit Lions Coach?

Barf Bag: Sen. Elissa Slotkin (D-Mich.) has a goddamn "war plan" to get rid of wokeness and turn everyone into Dan Campbell.

Politics
Hot Dog Heiress Senator Wants Dems to Be More Like…the Detroit Lions Coach?

Welcome back to Barf Bag, a subscriber-exclusive column. Here’s everything you get when you subscribe.

Elected Democrats are still finding their footing during the second Trump administration. Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-N.Y.) chose to surrender his leverage, while Sen. Chris Van Hollen (D-Md.) chose to fight, and Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-N.Y.) is getting people activated at huge rallies across the country with Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.).

Enter freshman Sen. Elissa Slotkin (D-Mich.), a former CIA analyst and heiress to a hot dog fortune, who praised Ronald Reagan while giving the Democrats’ response to Trump’s joint address to Congress. (Lingering on the hot dogs for a sec: her great-grandfather founded a company that invented Ball Park Franks for the Detroit Tigers and had contracts with Nathan’s Famous.) After hearing from Michigan voters in focus groups, who she said described Democrats as “weak and woke,” Slotkin told Politico she is planning a series of speeches about the party’s path forward, which she called a “war plan.” She also appears to be obsessed/inspired/motivated with/by??? Dan Campbell, the head coach of the Detroit Lions.

The piece was, uh, not wellreceived online, though I imagine Campbell enjoyed it. (I should note that the original headline was pure rage bait: “Slotkin has a ‘war plan’ to beat Trump. Don’t be ‘weak and woke.'” Politico has changed it to now read “Slotkin is testing a ‘war plan’ to beat Trump. She wants Dems to ditch wokeness and muscle up.”)

With Dems like these, who needs MAGA? Seriously. She is echoing bad faith GOP messaging to attack her own base. Just become an Independent or Republican at this point.www.politico.com/news/2025/04…

Wajahat Ali (@wajali.bsky.social) 2025-04-24T22:44:15.144Z

the biggest problem with Slotkin telling Dems to "muscle up" is that if you asked her, "What issue is so important to you that you'd be willing to lose your seat over it" she would not have an answer, because she's the worst kind of frontline Democrat: a passengerwww.politico.com/news/2025/04…

Jason Linkins (@dceiver.bsky.social) 2025-04-25T00:25:28.444Z

 

Regardless of the headline and her messaging strategy, 53% of voters now oppose the administration’s attacks on DEI, so you could say that a majority of the country supports The Woke Agenda. And it’s not clear how Slotkin—who voted to confirm nine of Trump’s cabinet officials—intends to project strength aside from using curse words.

Here are two relevant snippets from the piece:

She is urging Democrats to “fucking retake the flag” with appeals to voters’ sense of patriotism, to adopt “the goddamn Alpha energy” of Detroit Lions coach Dan Campbell and to embrace an “airing out” of potential 2028 presidential candidates in a broadly contested primary.

Her strategy also focuses on language and tone. She said Democrats should stop using the term “oligarchy,” a phrase she said doesn’t resonate beyond coastal institutions, and just say that the party opposes “kings.” And to beat their weak and woke rap, Democrats should channel the “no-bullshit” energy of the Lions’ Campbell, she said, “A wonderfully sappy guy with his players,” but who is also “smart and tough and lovable.”

We’ve got “fuck,” “shit,” and “damn” in two paragraphs! Plus: sports. Specifically, Campbell! I get that she’s a Michigan senator and the Lions finally don’t suck, but this is…a lot. As you can see, she’s also got thoughts on what not to say, claiming that talking about oligarchy is elitist. The AOC-Bernie tour is called Fighting Oligarchy and a recent poll found that 55% of voters could correctly identify the definition of the word.

Perhaps Slotkin just doesn’t want people coming for her hot dog money.


Trump-related barf:

  • Trump is selling “Trump 2028” merch. Laughing-nervously-what-the-fuck.jpg [NBC News]
  • Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth reportedly had an unsecured internet connection installed in his Pentagon office so he could use the Signal messaging app on a personal computer. He also threatened to give an Admiral a polygraph test. Is this guy gonna last the weekend? [Associated Press/Wall Street Journal]
  • Shadow President Elon Musk has reportedly claimed he’s going to exit DOGE soon because of political attacks from the left, which is an interesting way to say that voters hate him and Tesla stock is in the shitter. [The Independent/NOTUS/USA Today]
  • Trump denied federal tornado aid to Arkansas even after Gov. Sarah Huckasans (R) requested it. [CNN]
  • Since taking office, Trump has mentioned former President Joe Biden, his family, or his administration at least 580 times in remarks and on social media. [NBC News]

Non-Trump barf:

  • Amid *gestures at everything* Sen. Ron Johnson (R-Wisc.) wants to hold Congressional hearings on “what actually happened on 9/11.” [NBC News]
  • Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis (R) gave $5 million to a crisis pregnancy center network to run ads against an abortion amendment last year. The nonprofit board refused to run them and he later proposed to repeal their funding. [Tampa Bay Times/Miami Herald]
  • Cornell University cancelled a performance by Kehlani over her stance on the war in Gaza. [New York Times]
  • New York City Mayor Eric Adams, king of having a normal one, said in response to a question about whether he and challenger Andrew Cuomo will split the moderate vote and elevate a more progressive candidate: “He’s taking votes away from me—I’m the mayor! Why is he in my race?” (Please don’t vote for either of these fools.)  [New York Post]
  • Guillotine headline: “$1 Trillion of Wealth Was Created for the 19 Richest U.S. Households Last Year” [Wall Street Journal]

This has been your weekly Barf Bag, thanks for reading! 

 
Join the discussion...