Jon Gosselin Is Waiting Tables and Living in a Cabin in the Forest


What…what is this strange sensation? A tingling in the extremities, a refracted brightness on the edge of sight, an ungraspable warmth bubbling up from the secret places of the earth…what wizardry is brewing inside me? Am I myself? Was I just…delighted by a Gosselin-related news story? WHAT NEW WORLD IS THIS?

Jon Gosselin—epic eye roller, bumbling tax avoider, alleged extortionist, eternal shrinking violet—told Entertainment Tonight last night that he’s currently waiting tables in a restaurant and living in a rural Pennsylvania cabin without TV or internet. This is obviously amazing. Like, god forbid somebody who was once on the television get an actual human-being job where they perform services in exchange for money and then use that money to pay for things such as rent and food! What’s next—white people going to jail!?!?

Via E!:

Yes, the former Jon & Kate Plus 8 star now works as a server at Black Dog restaurant in Beckersville, Pa. The 36-year-old father of eight told Entertainment Tonight it was “impossible” to find work after his brush with fame, but he’s doing OK in the restaurant business.
“At first I was nervous because I was like, ‘How are people going to react?'” he said. “But then I’m thinking, ‘Well it’s fun and I get to talk to people.’ And they technically already know me…they’re like ‘Are you the guy?’ I’m like, ‘Yeah, I’m the guy.'”
He now lives in a cabin “in the woods” without TV or internet access. He admitted to hitting rock bottom “about 20 times” since he and Kate split in 2009, but says, “I [party] now on a different level.”
“I don’t regret anything,” he added. “You learn from your mistakes. That’s what builds you to who you are today.”

Now, I have no great love for Jon Gosselin: The Person—he’s pretty clearly a passive-aggressive man-child douche who attempted to use his kids as collateral to turn attention into a career while he ran around Hollywood pretending to be a swingin’ bachelor and penising the future fiances of best frenemy Michael Lohan. It’s easy to see Kate as the arch-villain in the Jon & Kate narrative—a woman so entitled and annoying that Sarah Palin could not bear to eat a s’more in her presence—but Jon’s dopey victimhood didn’t do their family any favors either. What’s most infuriating is how completely the spectacle of this slowly decaying loveless marriage has obscured the fact that SOMEBODY NEEDS TO JUST GET A FUCKING JOB ALREADY AND PAY ATTENTION TO THEIR CHILDREN INSTEAD OF SNORTING POWDERED DIAMONDS AND MAINLINING 5-HOUR ENERGY ON CHRISTIAN AUDIGIER’S LUXURY BATTLE-CRUISER.

I mean, Kate’s certainly not on top of it. Just a month ago she was whining about how hard it is to piece together an income from “several projects.” (You know, “projects” like “expecting to be paid for not writing about coupons.”)

Although she’s having trouble finding work, the former nurse confesses that her own behavior is partly to blame. “I made so many mistakes, of course.”

Life has been a “roller coaster” ride for Kate and her brood. We were struggling, then we were doing really well, then it all fell apart, and now we have a so-called ‘normal’ life… They’ve [the kids] seen that through it all, we’ve dealt with it, survived it, and we keep on going.”

As I said then, I’ve got a job idea for Kate Gosselin, “former nurse.” How about Kate Gosselin, CURRENT NURSE. There are ways to make a living—it’s just that most of them require, you know, working. Just because you’ve been on television doesn’t mean you are entitled to be on television for life (those positions are generally reserved for people with skills and/or charisma and/or something to contribute to the world).

So aaaaaaanyway, that’s why I’m so jazzed about this whole rural-hardworking-waiter-living-in-a-humble-cabin thing! It appears to be the first good, responsible idea that any adult Gosselin has ever had. It is not a step down—it is a completely honorable career—and honestly I wish Jon Gosselin the best. (At the very least it should get him out of my news feeds for a while.)

Jon Gosselin: living simply so that the rest of us may simply live.

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