Kate Middleton Pics or the ‘Farm Shop’ Didn’t Happen

This past weekend the Loch Ness Monster went water skiing, Big Foot hung out at a brewery, and Kate Middleton went to a “farm shop.” Unfortunately, there are no photos of any of these unbelievable sightings. You just have to trust us that they happened!

On Saturday, while everyone on TikTok spiraled further and further into the depths of the Kate Middleton conspiracy theory wormhole, the Princess of Wales was apparently just walking around Windsor. “Princess Kate took her first steps towards a return to official engagements with a trip to her favourite farm shop,” The Sun reported on Sunday night. “Onlookers said she looked ‘happy, relaxed and healthy’ on the visit a mile from her Adelaide Cottage home in Windsor.” The British tabloids are insane, but they’ve truly lost their minds if they expect me to believe that the Most Missing woman since Amy Dunne in Gone Girl was just out and about, all business as usual, and not a single “onlooker” snapped a photo? Come the fuck on.

A “witness” at the shop told the tabloid: “After all the rumours that had been going round, I was stunned to see them there. Kate was out shopping with William and she looked happy and she looked well. The kids weren’t with them but it’s such a good sign she was healthy enough to pop down to the shops.” Is the witness in the room with us right now…

In addition to her farm stand jaunt, Kate also reportedly spent Sunday morning watching her three kids “take part in sports.” And that’s all the detail we’re given on that. We don’t know what sports were played, where said sports took place, if each child was playing a different sport with their respective age groups, or if it was just George, Charlotte, and Louis throwing a ball at each other.

Apart from these alleged outings that I do not believe happened, Kate hasn’t been seen in public since Christmas as she reportedly recovers from abdominal surgery. Her absence has sparked dozens of conspiracy theories that range from the silly (she’s competing on The Masked Singer) to the very dark (she’s dead). Those theories were only further fueled when Kensington Palace released a photo of Kate and her three kids on U.K.’s Mother’s Day that multiple news agencies, including the Associated Press and the New York Times, decided to kill because the photo was too heavily manipulated. “Kate” then “issued” an “apology,” which was weird and only made everything worse.

Of course, I hope Kate did enjoy a nice Saturday afternoon with her husband and that she is actually “happy and healthy.” But without one single photograph, I find it much more believable that she’s a contestant on The Masked Singer. 

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