Kristen Schaal Designs Her Own Esquire Photo Shoot


Flight of the Conchords returns tonight, giving us another season of hilarious, awkward, and brilliant musical comedy. And though we all love Bret and Jemaine, perhaps crazy FOTC fan Mel deserves a little love, too.

Those of us who love the show often have a hard time picking a favorite character, though after reading Kristen Schaal‘s hilarious takedown of Esquire (which the magazine itself printed), my loyalties are now leaning towards crazy super fan Mel. Schaal, was snubbed by Esquire when they decided to run a “Women of Flight of the Conchords” photo shoot last October. The article included Rachel Blanchard and Sutton Foster, who played girlfriends of the Conchords in a few episodes, but Schaal, the main female character on the program, was left out completely. After pointing out the snub to Esquire, Schaal decided to write her own detailed description of exactly how her photo shoot would have gone, had the magazine given her the chance.

“Last time I checked,” Schaal begins, “I own the only pair of recurring tits on that show. Maybe Esquire assumed I’m too professional to pose in my underwear and stare quizzically into the camera, but it is sorely mistaken. I will do that shit.” She then goes on to break down the photo shoot into hilarious snippets such as this:

1:45 P.M. I have another idea. The camera is mounted on the ceiling, and I lounge in a kiddie pool filled with discontinued candies from the 1980s. A few well-placed Bonkers cover up my business.
2:09 P.M. The Bonkers aren’t doing it for me. I want to cover up my snatch with a dodo bird. I’m informed they are extinct.
5:42 P.M. A dodo is cloned after DNA is obtained from the Museum of Natural History. The first dodo to walk the earth in 327 years is delivered to the shoot. Turns out I was mistaking dodos for griffins. I order it drowned.
7:33 P.M. I decide to have my boobs surgically switched. It’ll basically look the same but register on a subconscious level.

Esquire, clearly a bit embarrassed about the situation, also ran an article titled: “Meet Kristen Schaal: The Funniest Woman On Television.” Something tells me she won’t be left out of the next photo shoot.

And to get you psyched up for tonight’s premiere, here is an episode of Mel’s Video Blog, wherein she details her creepy obsession with the Conchords in song:

Meet Kristen Schaal: The Funniest Woman On Television [Esquire]
My Esquire Photo Shoot, By Kristen Schaal [Esquire]
Women We Endorse: The Women Of Flight Of The Conchords [Esquire]

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