May the Man Who Stole ICE Barbie’s Purse Never Be Caught

The Homeland Security Secretary's purse was stolen right out from under her table at a D.C. restaurant on Sunday. Chances are, it wasn't because it was cute

By Audra Heinrichs | April 21, 2025 | 3:41pm

Photo: Getty Images Latest Politics

May the Man Who Stole ICE Barbie’s Purse Never Be Caught

Difficult as it may be to believe, someone wanted something from Kristy Noem’s closet so badly that they decided to steal it. If you need to take a minute with this information, by all means! But you should know that on Easter Sunday, a purse belonging to the United States Secretary of Homeland Security was swiped as she dined with her family.

On Monday, a law enforcement source confirmed to CNN that the restaurant’s security footage had been reviewed by the Secret Service (who also provides security for Noem) and showed an unidentified white man wearing a medical mask snatching the handbag right out from under the table. Noem acknowledged the incident at the White House Easter Egg Roll and said an investigation is ongoing. Before I go on, I really must ask: if Noem has her own detail, how the hell does a purse get stolen???

Most Popular

Now, if you know anything about ICE Barbie’s style (Express circa 2008, on a good day), you’re aware the man probably didn’t take her handbag because he thought it was cute. That pleather knockoff is likely long gone by now. Its contents could prove pretty precarious for Noem, though. Not only did it hold her driver’s license, medication, apartment keys, makeup bag, and passport, but it also carried her Department of Homeland Security access badge, blank checks, and about $3,000 in cash. Again, I must ask: Why is this woman flippantly carrying her badge and that much cash on a holiday?

“She had the cash because her whole family was in town (including children and grandchildren) and was treating them to activities, dinner and Easter gifts,” DHS Assistant Secretary Tricia McLaughlin told NewsNation. How nice! I wonder how the innumerable people forcibly separated from their families on appallingly shaky legal standing have been celebrating holidays of late…

For the last several weeks, Noem has—in Megyn Kelly’s own words—”cosplayed” as an ICE agent as actual ICE agents have been detaining people almost indiscriminately: From green card holders at airports to legal residents to students for their political speech protesting genocide. Concurrently, the administration is at the helm of a horrific project to ship anyone they think might be a member of the Tren de Aragua gang to a maximum-security prison in El Salvador called the Terrorism Confinement Center. Known as CECOT, multiple reports have detailed the facility’s brutal human rights abuses and hard labor requirements. In March, Noem decided that one of its overcrowded cells filled with half-dressed men was the perfect place to have a photoshoot.

I hate capitalism as much as the next gal, but it’s nice to know karma doesn’t take off holidays. And though a manhunt is likely underway for the thief (Robin Hood, if you will), I hope he knows that a myriad of citizens out here are willing and able to aid and abet this act of public service.

Like what you just read? You’ve got great taste. Subscribe to Jezebel, and for $5 a month or $50 a year, you’ll get access to a bunch of subscriber benefits, including getting to read the next article (and all the ones after that) ad-free. Plus, you’ll be supporting independent journalism—which, can you even imagine not supporting independent journalism in times like these? Yikes.