Save An Ailing Romance With Waxed Pubes & Unsolicited Fondling

Sometimes shrinks paid to offer help are really bad at it. Two separate articles today involve men getting professional relationship advice which requires their wives to endure humiliating acts:

First there’s the “Not Feeling Intimate” couple from a Psychology Today piece. The gist: A young couple. Both want a baby. They’d started fighting after work, though; and when she’d get in his face, he’d push her. They sought therapy, thinking they couldn’t bring a child into a violent environment.

[The therapist] said there was something the husband could do, but it was difficult and she wasn’t sure he could do it. “I can do it,” the husband insisted.

“In the future, whenever she begins to go after you and wants to discuss money-whether at home, at a party, on the street-put your hand under her blouse or her skirt and fondle her.”

“You’re not going to do that!” said the woman. “Oh yes I am!” said the man.

Not only did the tactic successfully interrupt the pattern of angry confrontation, it transformed it into a playful and warm dynamic. Within a month, she was pregnant.

Yeah, that’s right. The dude who’d previously pushed his wife was now given free reign to fondle her when she was angry.

Next: A man asks Pamela Stephenson Connolly, psychologist with a column in the Guardian, if he can persuade his wife to wax her pubes. He writes:

My wife occasionally has a bikini wax, but I would prefer her pubic hair to be neater than it often is, as I believe this is all part of good grooming. I would really like her to adopt a “landing strip” style which I find very sexy and arousing. She takes trouble over her hair and makeup, so why not in this area? How can I get her to go along with my wish? Or am I just being selfish?

I didn’t study psychology or psychotherapy, but my answer to this man would be: “Yes. You are being selfish. Sure, bring it up. But understand, if she says no, that you are lucky someone is fucking you in the first place. If you love her, love her as she is. Leave the hot wax near the genitalia out of it. And stop watching so much porn.” But that’s just me. Here’s what Connolly, a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist suggested the man say to his wife: “I always enjoy making love with you, but I must confess that I am turned on the most when you have just waxed. Would you please consider doing that more often? And for me, the visual appeal of a ‘landing strip’ guarantees extra excitement – how about giving that a try? I promise you’ll like what it does to me…” Wow. Well, the commenters on Guardian‘s site didn’t like that one bit. “Flaneuse” fumed:

We’re just going to gloss over the fact that he’s asking her to do something REALLY EFFING PAINFUL for his sexual pleasure, are we?

I mean, sure, you can ask. And lots of women like the pain of getting waxed, or like the results enough to tolerate the pain. But it’s pretty disingenuous not to mention that you’re asking your sexual partner to do something that HURTS to please you, and compare it to doing your hair and make-up.

“Bauhaus” wrote:

Why do you want your wife to look like a pre-pubescent girl?

“Opinions” ranted:

Why do men think that their callous desires are important? Doesn’t this man get that his tone and suggestions are from two centuries back? His wife should do with her body as she pleases, and he has no command over that! I would love to see a photo of this man and I would suggest his wife to demand from him nothing less than the body of a male model, like that of Garrett Neff? So start dieting, going to the gym, waxing your body hair (or getting some if bold)… How would he feel if the wife turns to him with all these suggestions because she finds those more sexy and arousing? Grow up.

But maybe the best came from someone called “nocommentnc”:

As an older man I would give anything for regular sex – hairy or otherwise. The years fly by much quicker than you think, so make the most of what you’ve got and quit quibbling over details.

You’re Driving Me Crazy! [Psychology Today]
Sexual Healing [Guardian]