'Thank God for Girls': Tracking Weezer’s Brand of Nerd Misogyny
EntertainmentLast week, Weezer released a new single, “Thank God for Girls,” the most recent iteration of leader Rivers Cuomo’s presentation of himself as a self-deprecating man-child.
The track finds the California quartet relying on absurdly juvenile humor to work through their own weird gender problems. “And you may encounter dragons or ruffians and be called upon / To employ your testosterone,” sings Cuomo, with a self-aware air of sarcasm. The lyrics are absurd, based on Cuomo’s perception that while men are out doing their “manly” things, women will always be around with “a big fat cannoli to shove in your mouth.” Lyrics like “She’s so big / She’s so strong / She’s so energetic in her sweaty overalls” seemed an insecure retort to a song like Raelynn’s “God Made Girls”; at Genius, Cuomo provided the following annotation for the verse:“I’m so jealous of the hooker-uppers. Seems like it’s so easy to get laid now all these good looking athletic young guys r getting so much free sex it kills me. laxitutes. Such a bummer. Such a bummer. To be evaluated by women. To be graded. To be rated. Where do I stand? How big? How strong? How enduring? How energetic? How inventive? So sad that it comes to this. So sad. It IS a competition and I AM being compared.”
His explanation is so mindbogglingly slimy, it seems almost too pained to be serious. But even if “Thank God for Girls” represents a satirical character, it’s ironic that a man who wrote a very serious song called “The Girl Got Hot” is suddenly deeply concerned with being “evaluated” and “graded” on his physical attributes.
Historically, though, Cuomo has had no problem with the fact that his lyrics could be diary entries of a high-school boy—in fact, he’s spent his entire career propagating his retrograde antics. In 2010, he told the L.A. Times, “Maybe I haven’t matured in some ways that other 40-year-olds have. Or maybe I’m more willing to honor those immature voices inside myself that other 40-year-olds aren’t.”
It was a moment of honesty about his own catalog: though Weezer is beloved, its immature, backwards presentation isn’t anything new. Over 23 years, nine albums, and one seriously protracted Bachelor’s degree, Weezer has consistently cast women as objects that exist either for male pleasure, or as causers of their torment, while Cuomo continues to portray himself as an awkward and over-sexed suitor.
This philosophy emerged as early as track two on the group’s 1994 debut, Weezer or The Blue Album. On “No One Else,” Cuomo explains to listeners what he seeks from a partner, detailing his manipulative, obsessive expectations: “I want a girl who will laugh for no one else,” he sings. “When I’m away she puts her makeup on the shelf / When I’m away she never leaves the house / I want a girl who laughs for no one else.”
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