Where Were You the Day the Birds Came?

The best possible outcome of this pandemic is beginning to manifest: the animals are taking back the Earth. But instead of fighting back against the encroaching wildlife, I suggest we cede whatever it is they want back them. Everything is theirs now and we’re just guests here.

AP News reports that Agua Dulce beach in Lima, Peru has been overwhelmed by a swarm of seagulls and pelicans. On an average day, the local hotspot could see 40,000 visitors trample across it with their beach towels and sunscreen and sunburns. But after Peru’s President Martin Vizcarra declared a state of emergency, ordering citizens to stay inside, the gulls have rightfully reclaimed the sandy strip.

On what is probably the other side of the planet, Kashmiri goats have descended from their lofty perches and similarly invaded the town of Llandudno, in Wales. Buzzfeed News spoke with various townsfolk, like Tim Garbutt, who claimed: “Everybody loves the goats, but they make an awful mess. They eat all of your nice plants and they shit everywhere, quite frankly.” Sorry Tim, those plants are the goat’s plants now!

Allegedly, the Shah of Persia gifted the goats to Queen Victoria back in the olden days, when those two were still kicking. (Like goats do! Get it?) Their origin, however, doesn’t really matter. The goats are masters of the land now. Whatever they want, they get. Thankfully, Manchester Evening News reporter Andrew Stuart has bravely been on the ground in Llandudno to document the transition of power.

Even San Francisco, with its rapid gentrification and gleaming spires of high-tech wizardry, has not been spared by the animal’s invading forces. A Twitter user on March 23 spotted a wild coyote strolling through the streets. Usually refined to the hills around Bernal Heights and Twin Peaks, I wouldn’t be shocked if the techies finally get run out of the city by the packs of coyotes camping out on their standing desks and break room ping pong tables!

Across the Bay in Berkeley, I’ve been keeping a keen eye out for the raccoons and tree rats that live in the redwoods around my apartment. When they finally come to rob me of my belongings, I’ll open my door gladly too them. I’ve always known the raccoons were smarter than me, anyway. My existence here has always been at their mercy. It’s only now that they—along with the rest of the animal kingdom—have returned to remind us of that fact!