After Biden's Win, Steyer Packed That Azz Up

Joe Biden won the South Carolina primary because, well, of course he did. Although there was some hope from other candidates, primarily from the Sanders campaign, that there would be an upset, it was fairly well-understood Biden always had it in the bag. So much, so in fact, that The New York Times announced that he’d won South Carolina before any precincts had even reported results. It’s amazing how they’re able to get it right time and time again, and never make any mistakes. Journalism!

After results actually came in, Biden ended up receiving just under 50 percent of the vote, with Sanders receiving nearly 20 percent, and Tom Steyer rounding out the top three with just over 11 percent as the results were finalized. In 2016 Sanders faired slightly better, landing just over 26 percent of the vote to Hillary Clinton’s 73, but of course, at that time the field was already much narrower, considering Martin O’Malley had just withdrawn and the only other person to receive any votes in the South Carolina primary was somebody named Willie Wilson.

Remember Martin O’Malley? Me neither really, which makes me wistful for the days when I knew I would be able to forget the candidates I didn’t particularly care about.

Speaking of narrowing the field and forgetting candidates I don’t care about, after backing that azz up and finishing in third place, billionaire Tom Steyer is now packing that azz up and ending his campaign. “I got into this race to fight for racial, climate, and economic justice,” he tweeted Saturday night, “I will continue that fight, and do everything I can to support the eventual nominee,” which is very sweet of him. If only he’d made that decision months ago.

This Tuesday is Super Tuesday, which means we’ll have a much clearer picture of just how horrible the 2020 Democratic Convention will be come July, with pundits already throwing around nightmarish terms like “brokered convention” and “nominating contest,” both of which give me, as my Italian mother might say, agida. If there’s a silver lining to be found in any of this, it’s that Tuesday is not a weekend day, so it will not be my responsibility to break any of this news to you, so let’s celebrate that, okay!