Conversations You Never Want To Have


Today, Cafemom identified one of the most horrifying phenomena known to man or woman: the in-law (or partner’s parent) sex talk:

Among other horrors the site unearthed (besides, that is, the nightmare-inducing quote in the title) were these instances of TMI:

L’s ex-boyfriend’s mom once asked if she could borrow some porn … and specified that she preferred girl-on-girl if she had any.


G’s boyfriend’s mom often brags about the size of her son’s penis. If that’s not Oedipal enough for you, how about this? She says, “You don’t get THAT from your father.”

…and I thought it was bad when I had to talk to my boyfriend’s dad about an emergency prescription for a UTI. I’ve heard many a nightmarish tale of lewd lingerie given my future MILs at showers; of FILs who commented approvingly on figures; of the MIL who got drunk and said, “always wash thoroughly after doggie style; that’s how infections happen!” and of the other one who started talking loudly about the less-vibrant shade of her post-menopausal vagina.

These conversations are always especially weird because you’re usually still on terms of extra-politeness with in (or sorta-in) laws. As illustrated above, the TMI comes in two forms: the overshare, or the infinitely worse discussion of your sex life. While the former may have the actual offspring cringing, for the other party the evocation of your own is usually twice as awkward – because they know, and you know, and you know that they know, that you’re all together because you’re having sex with their child. Which – besides the woman quoted above – most of us, due to something ancient and instinctive and innate, just really don’t want to think about.

Sex Talk From The In-Laws: It Doesn’t Get Worse Than These

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