America, which has surely suffered enough already, weathered yet another indignity last night when Fergie performed the National Anthem ahead of the NBA All-Star Game. Everyone really, truly hated it, and now, she’s issued an apology.
First off, unfortunate renditions of the Star-Spangled Banner aren’t that uncommon in sports, since performers always seem to want to add some unnecessary flourish to a song that’s best done simply. Roseanne Barr? Steven Tyler? At least Fergie had the decency not to pull out a harmonica.
“I’ve always been honored and proud to perform the national anthem, and last night, I wanted to try something special for the NBA,” she said. “I’m a risk taker artistically, but clearly this rendition didn’t strike the intended tone. I love this country and honestly tried my best.”
America does not like having its anthem fucked with, as it has demonstrated time and time again. In my opinion, Fergie should take a note from Flea of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, who experienced similar backlash after his bass-only anthem at an NBA game in 2016. Asked by the masses to explain himself, he said only: “I don’t care, man.” An excellent life philosophy, generally.