Have We Considered That Hemsworth Is Actually Thor?


As a nation, we need to consider the possibility that there is an X-File dedicated to the absolutely uncanny hotness of Chris Hemsworth. And if there isn’t one, there should be.

The latest evidence comes from Dakota Johnson, who recently spoke to Vogue Australia. And she had this to say about her costar on Bad Times at El Royale, which only confirms my long-running suspicions about what it must be like to interact with him:

“Oh my god. It’s such a distraction,” Johnson says. “I was like, guys, you’ve made a huge mistake getting him to do this, because everyone is going to forget everything that happened [in the film] until this point. Chris is going to come onto the screen, and his body is outrageous, it’s unbelievable, like a crazy, crazy thing to look at, and his shirt’s completely unbuttoned. No-one on set could pay attention to anything else: it was so shocking, not in a sexual way at all, just, like, scientifically, how is it possible to look like that? Crazy! Then he would eat a bowl of Smarties and you’re like: ‘You’re an asshole, fuck you!’ I don’t eat anything sweet: I eat green things for three months in order to fit into a pair of jeans. And he eats whatever the fuck he wants and looks like he was literally chiselled out of marble – it’s insane.”

“Just, like, scientifically, how is it possible to look like that?” Dakota is asking a great question, here. Scientifically, how is he even possible? Perhaps we must consider an answer… beyond science. Perhaps we must look to Norse mythology? Seems important to consider.

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