Hillary Clinton Is Very Allegedly Mulling a 2020 Run


Look, it is important to know that this is JUST A RUMOR, which is something to keep in mind before you either die of an aneurysm or alert your #Resistance support group, but—Hillary Clinton is very, very allegedly “not closing the doors” to making a 2020 run, for in our past lives we did something so terrible we are forced to relive 2016 again and again and again and again and again and again until the planet explodes.

According to CNN White House Correspondent Jeff Zeleny, Clinton’s been telling folks close to her that she might throw her name back in the ring:

“Clinton is telling people that she’s not closing the doors to the idea of running in 2020,” Zeleny said. “I’m told by three people that as recently as this week, she was telling people that look, given all this news from the indictments, particularly the Roger Stone indictment, she talked to several people, saying ‘look, I’m not closing the doors to this.’”

Now, it seems like this is more of a “Huh, maybe Russia really did fuck up the election for me!” moment than a true, declarative desire to hop into the Democratic primary clown car, and a friend of Clinton’s reportedly told Zeleny, that “it would surprise me greatly if she actually did it.”

But this upcoming election is shaping up to be enough of a shitshow without the addition of Donald Trump’s favorite debate foil. Please, let us move on! I need time to devote all my energy to screaming at former Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz, who seems determined to hand Trump another win:

Anyway, I have been shouting “NO” very loudly on my couch for the last 40 minutes, please wake me up the day before election 2020, thank you.

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