How Many Times Do We Have to Go Through This: Avril Lavigne Is Not Dead

CelebritiesDirt Bag

Let’s get this out of the way right at the beginning: Canadian pop star and embodiment of what it meant to be in teenager in the year 2002 Avril Lavigne is alive. Some people on the internet are saying she’s dead, but they’re either misinformed or deliberately trying to trick you.

The rumor, which my coworker Ashley Feinberg wrote about at length in 2015, is a lot like the “Paul is Dead” conspiracy theory in that it’s about a pop star dying prematurely and being replaced with a lookalike. (It’s also considerably different because I the “Avril is Dead” theory is 100 percent bullshit, and, let’s be honest, Paul really is dead!)

Basically, Lavigne is alleged to have had a friend named Melissa who looked a lot like her, sounded a lot like her, and also thought Chad Kroeger was attractive. After the death of her grandfather in 2003, she is rumored to have died by suicide, only to be replaced by Melissa. In other words, she was in mourning, girl / she said see you later world / and they replaced her with a friend.

None of it’s true, of course. 2017 Avril Lavigne is the same Avril Lavigne we’ve known and loved for 15 years—only now she has Lyme disease and an ex-boyfriend who’s in Nickelback. There’s no reason to make things so complicated, internet!

[Mirror / Gossip Cop / Gawker]

Here’s an interesting detail from a People story about Katie Holmes, Jamie Foxx, and Suri Cruise: the two of them are apparently in Paris at the same time as Tom Cruise, and have occasionally been just blocks away from one another in the city as he shoots Mission: Impossible 6.

Does this mean Tom has not only been seeing Suri over these past few years, but that he approves of her relationship with Foxx? Or does it simply mean Suri and Katie have to avoid particular bakeries when buying their morning baguettes abroad? Eh, I honestly still think it’s the latter.


The reason for the season:

  • Meghan is nervous about Pippa’s wedding because she’s afraid she’ll “dress similarly” to Kate. Meghan, it’s fine. You won’t. [Celebitchy]
  • Jim Parsons married some dude. [Gossip Cop]
  • Kevin Hart is going to have another baby he hopes isn’t gay. [Refinery29]
  • Chance the Rapper may have liked a very rude tweet, but I have no way of proving this. [ONTD]
  • Russell Wilson is so boring that the only controversy he can find himself in is one about possessive pronouns. [Celebitchy]
  • Who cares? Just kiss. [People]
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