How Weird, Kristen Stewart and I Are Wearing the Same Outfit

CelebritiesDirt Bag
How Weird, Kristen Stewart and I Are Wearing the Same Outfit
Graphic:Joan Summers/Jezebel

There is possibly nothing sexier than wearing a leather coat. I know that an animal had to die in the process, and perhaps that is overly barbaric of me, and predicated on some ancient genetic leftover from when the human race was still banging sticks against rocks and hunting dinosaurs. And vegan leather can’t replace that sensation, mostly because it’s plastic, which is bad, and we should produce less of anyway!

While leaving Radio Studio in London amidst the Charlie’s Angels promotional tour, Kristen Stewart was photographed in some casual jeans, a moss-green button-up, and a leather jacket so sublime I burst into tears at the sight of it. For a single moment, everything was right in the world, and there was nothing more important happening than this jacket, which I must have immediately. (The baseball cap in her arm is, unquestionably, the icing on this look.)

Again, leather is bad! Thankfully, consignment stores and vintage shops are overflowing with beautiful, craftsman leather jackets, made before we learned how to apply the Ford factory model to farming en masse. Kristen Stewart’s coat, meanwhile, is definitely new. But is it actually leather? Generally speaking, leather jackets, when dyed black in the more traditional style, have a certain “cracked” appearance, even when they’ve been smoothed. The above coat looks overly shiny, like vinyl! Stewart also seems to be the type to consider things like animal cruelty when choosing her daily look.

Regardless, this is a good outfit. Strange, too, considering I’m also wearing it right now! Even stranger, this outfit found me, considering I was originally planning on writing about this completely separate thing Jonah Hill wore. Immediately bored by Hill, Ithought, “Who else wore things?” And then—BAM! This leather coat jumped through my computer screen and attacked me. Thanks, Kristen!

Isn’t it nice, how there’s nothing important happening in the news right now? The downtime has given me the opportunity to check back in with old Dirt Bag fixtures like Liam Hemsworth and Miley Cyrus, who’ve done nothing but kick rocks and pose on Instagram since the last time they graced these hallowed halls!

Entertainment Tonight reports that Chris Hemsworth’s wife, who I’m told is named Elsa Pataky, told Hola! that her brother-in-law, sad boy Liam, “deserves much better” than ex-wife Miley Cyrus, who famously broke up with him on Instagram over the summer.

“My brother-in-law, well… After a relationship that you’ve dedicated 10 years to, he’s a little bit down, but he’s coping well. He’s a strong boy and he deserves the best. I think he deserves much better. You always find support in your family, and he’s joined at the hip with his brother, who has been there to give all the strength he needed.”

Now, it is a bit weird to refer to your brother-in-law as a strong boy! Maybe Pataky is just someone who speaks the truth, however strange—both Liam and Chris have made careers out of being buff and tall, the literal definition of “strong boy.” Considering they’re joined at the hip, maybe they could take that show on the road. It’s not like Liam has much else to do other than look sad at yogurt shops! [ET]

If I had to suffer, then so do you.

  • It appears that the Giudices are spending the holidays in Italy. [People]
  • RHOP’s Ashley Darby already wants a second child. [ET]
  • Denise Richards secretly loves drama. [Hollywood Life]
  • Scooter Braun wrote an open letter to Taylor Swift. Seems bad! [Just Jared]
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