Is the Bruise on Miley Cyrus's Butt Shaped Like a Horse!? YOU DECIDE!

By Lindy West  |  March 21, 2014 | 12:00am
CelebritiesDirt Bag

So…are we there? Is this it? Have we reached it? Is analyzing the shape of Miley Cyrus‘s butt bruise the nadir (OR APEX) of absolutely bonkers auto-proctological online Miley reportage? I’m not sure. I THINK WE CAN GO EVEN DEEPER, GUYS. I BELIEVE IN US. Personally, I don’t see the horse thing—I think the bruise looks more like a Nike swoosh. But everyone has their own personal relationship with Miley Cyrus’s butt bruise. I get that.

On Wednesday afternoon, Miley posted a photo on Instagram of herself in a bikini, laying out on a white sandy beach and taunting those of us still dealing with the gross grey winter that will never ever end. But even with its super comfy-looking setting, there were still two odd elements to Miley’s tongue-wielding* selfie:
She has a bruise shaped like a horse on her butt.
Her hand is on her crotch. Like, right on it.

Fun fact: Miley Cyrus’s butt bruise also functions as a Rorschach test that tells you whether or not you’re on cocaine! [TheGloss] [Instagram]

After Radar reported that Lindsay Lohan had fired her sober living coach, Michael Cormier, Lohan responded on Twitter and Instagram with a fairly sick shut-down.

“Haven’t seen Michael since filming?” Lohan tweeted, “Then who is this guy I JUST saw 2 days ago? Sort ya life @radar_online.”

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. SORT YA LIFE. [Twitter] [Instagram]

Scott Eastwood says he’s “single” and he and his dad pump iron together.

Scott admitted he is “still single.”

The handsome actor also said his dad is doing great, and that the two work out together. “We went to the gym the other day. It was great.” When Bargh asked who can bench press more, Scott laughed, “I always give it to my dad, always.”

Posted solely as an excuse to look up pictures of Scott Eastwood. [Extra]

  • Chris Hemsworth and his wife Elsa Pataky had a set of twin babies. [JustJared]
  • Ashley Greene did fitness. [JustJared]
  • It’s Twitter’s 8th birthday! Here is a retrospective of famous Twitter feuds. [E!]
  • Have you seen these pics of Andrew WK as an aspiring man-model!?!? WHAT A LIL BABY!!! [Dazed]
  • Elizabeth Vargas is going to write a memoir about alcoholism. [THR]
  • Madonna borrowed Emilia Clarke‘s actual Daenerys Targaryen outfit to wear for Purim. [Us]
  • Here are some incredibly boring photographs of Kate Bosworth, Alec Baldwin, and Julianne Moore. [JustJared]
  • Mick Jagger has traveled to Los Angeles to arrange L’Wren Scott‘s funeral. [Us]
  • Cameron Diaz feels “fortunate.” [ContactMusic]
  • So charming I can’t.

Image via Getty.

 
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