Just give us a candle and WE'LL do it, for Chrissakes.


God Almighty, will it ever end?

Ten billion years into her mind-numblingly boring attempt to lose her virginity, and Sarah diMuro over on Jane Magazine has still had not so much as a finger up her hoohaa. It’s got so bad that editor Brandon Holley is reduced to getting her staff to phone Sarah and harangue her into a fuck.

“I got a call from my confidante and JANE web editor, Melinda, schooling me on my questionable dating habits. In short she said “You have to give people more of a chance and stop categorizing the date before the date even starts.”
She also said, and this is key, “Don’t even think about passing ANY judgements on the date or the guy until the meeting has ended and you have had time to think about it.” She really put me in my place. Mind you, I kind of wanted to cry, because what she was saying is so, well, true.”

When the world is dead, only the cockroaches will remain. And Sarah. Still intact.

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