Keto, Vapes, and New Milks: It's Time to Cancel Some Lifestyle Trends

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Keto, Vapes, and New Milks: It's Time to Cancel Some Lifestyle Trends

Thursday marked Day Two of Jezebel’s Cancel Tournament: the Politics division—perhaps the most challenging of all the categories to cancel because truly all of these things deserve to go. Today, we’re canceling a few lifestyle trends. But first, let’s look at yesterday’s results!

When it came to Bari Weiss (1) vs. Bret Stephens (16), you chose to cancel him (62.4 percent) over her (37.6 percent). In the battle between The Atlantic (8) and Alyssa Milano (9), Milano emerged victorious… which is a bad thing for her. Most of you voted to cancel her, 63.9 percent to 36.1 percent. My favorite category was meanwhile neck-and-neck: with 52.2 percent of the votes, Ivanka Trump’s Nazi Dog (12) has been canceled over Bill DeBlasio (5), who scored 47.8 percent of the vote. That’s still notably higher than the number of supporters for his actual presidential campaign.

In the soggy field—Joe Biden (4) against Paper Straws (13)—readers overwhelmingly chose to say bye to Biden, 71.1 percent to 28.9 percent. As for Meghan McCain (6) and Marianne Williamson (11), it’s McCain’s turn to exit stage left: you voted to cancel her over Williamson: 80 percent to 18.7 percent. (This isn’t about me, but I agree.) In Jake Tapper (3) versus Chapo Trap House (14), we’re canceling Chapo over Tapper, 51.7 percent to 47.3 percent. And in the most definitive poll of all, almost everyone wants to rid the media world of FOX News Blondes (10) over MSNBC (7) at—drum roll, please—93.8 percent to 6.2 percent.

Finally, in the that-was-2016-but-this-is-still-a-talking-point-for-some-reason category, But Her Emails (2) versus Bernie Would’ve Won (15), you’ve decided to cancel the incessant handwringing about Hillary Clinton’s emails over the anguish of Bernie Sanders supporters, 57 percent to 43 percent.

Your next mission is to cancel lifestyle trends, which include fake meats and wellness. Would you rather give up Vapes (1) or the New Milks (16)? Does Soulcycle (8) need to go or the popularization of Mid-Century Modern Decor (9) that’s made everyone’s homes look like Mad Men sets? What do you hate more: Feelings (5) or Houseplants (12)? How do you feel about Keto Dieting (6) versus White Claw (11), the preferred spiked seltzer of frat bros?

Time to choose between two obvious evils! You have 24 hours to cast your votes below.

There are 8 questions in the form below. Once you vote, the next question will pop up. To go back and change a vote, click the arrows. Click “Submit” at the end to make sure your votes count! Remember you’re voting for the thing you’d like to be canceled.

Come back Monday for results and to vote in the final division: Concepts. Astrology! Marriage! Cancel culture!

Here’s the updated bracket.

Illustration:Jim Cooke (G/O Media

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