Ladies: Rupert Murdoch Is Single!

The fourth time wasn't the charm for the 91-year-old billionaire responsible for Tucker Carlson.

Ladies: Rupert Murdoch Is Single!
Photo:Taylor Hill/Getty Images (Getty Images)

Women in the U.S. may be facing the loss of our reproductive freedoms and bodily autonomy—but at least Rupert Murdoch is back on the market.

Murdoch, 91, and Jerry Hall, 65, are getting divorced, according to a report by the New York Times. Yes: The man who heavily contributed to the downfall and debasement of American democracy with the founding of Fox News in 1996 is likely to be on the prowl this summer—maybe even on Bumble! Gird your loins, ladies.

Details beyond this are pretty much nonexistent, except for the fact the Times reports that the divorce is “unlikely to change the ownership structure of Mr. Murdoch’s empire.” More importantly: Will it make its way into the plot for the next season of Succession?

The whirlwind romance between the Fox News menace and the Texas-born model and actress who donated $500 to Joe Biden’s campaign in 2020 reportedly began at a rugby match in October 2015. They got engaged in January 2016 and were married by that March. The ceremony took place at Spencer House in London, according to the Associated Press, which is a palace that was built by Princess Diana’s ancestors. Very Succession-like.

“They are very sweet together, in a little couple bubble. They act like a married couple already, talking over each other, holding hands,” someone told The Guardian of their relationship in 2016. “She puts her feet up on his legs, they disagree on things like any married couple. She hates [Donald] Trump, he understands Trump, it’s been like that from the beginning.” Pass me the tissues!

This will be Hall’s first divorce—she shares four children with Mick Jagger, who she was in a relationship with from 1977-1999. (Their marriage was annulled in 1999.) But it will be Murdoch’s fourth, he was most recently married to Wendi Deng from 1999 to 2014. He was married to his second wife, a newspaper reporter, from 1967 to 1999, and his first wife, Australian model Patricia Booker, from 1956 to 1967. He has never, to the public’s knowledge, been married to Tucker Carlson.

Hall—who will be celebrating her 66th birthday in a little over a week—is a Cancer, and Murdoch is a Pisces. This makes them both water signs, so their suns are actually considered pretty compatible. Cancers are also known for being pretty fucking loyal and devoted, especially to their own detriment. This is the only explanation I can think of as to why she was able to stomach socializing with—let alone marrying—the billionaire who threw a bunch of grenades into U.S. politics with the spirit of a little kid trying to skip rocks on a lake. It also makes her asking for a divorce even more shocking! (I am totally just guessing that she’s the one who asked for a divorce.)

If she married him for his money—not saying she did, as he is obviously quite a physical specimen—it’s very funny to imagine that she hung in there all the way until he was 91 before being like okay fuck this, he is just taking too long to die.

Excited to see who’s willing to date this man next!

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