I’m offering you this “brake up” note from a little girl named Rachel as a template for you to use in all other future breakups. Because it pretty much nails it.
*Sigh* Oh Shawn. Look, it’s not you. Well, it’s actually completely you. But don’t be mad at Rachel, OK? She’s just trying to come clean. She wants to set you free, Shawn. I know because I talked to her this afternoon before I had my mani-pedi-Vodka hour and she had her afternoon fruit cup and nap time hour. She told me all about her doubts in this relationship. I said “it’s time for some straight talk, girl. You need to tell that boy how you feel, before you wake up and change your mind when you see him climbing the jungle gym at recess.” So don’t be mad at her, Shawn. She’s doing you a favor.
This might be fake. But it’s still some very real talk that all the Shawns of the world need to hear. Seriously, Shawn. Get your shit together.
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