Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones Split After Years of Crap

CelebritiesDirt Bag

Sadly, the united front presented by Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones during their shittiest times lately has come to an end — a source claims that the two have separated. 😐

“They’re taking a break. The stress has taken a toll on their marriage. They want the best for their kids, no matter what happens.”

The two have been married since 2000, but shit got shitty lately. Said crappy years include, but are not limited to: Douglas’ nearly-fatal battle with throat cancer, Zeta-Jones twice checking herself into a psychiatric facility to deal with her Bipolar II disorder, Douglas’ son Cameron getting 5 years in prison for possession of heroin and dealing meth, Douglas sort of implying that going down on Zeta-Jones GAVE him cancer before clarifying about HPV, et cetera, and Douglas having to see Rob Lowe’s fully-made-up face in Behind the Candelabra for months on end. [People]

Ooh, I didn’t see this coming but I’m into it. Katie Holmes and Jamie Foxx were spotted holding hands and arm-touching significantly at the Apollo Theater in the Hamptons. They spent most of the night dancing together. Also, former Secretary of State Colin Powell was nearby, introducing an aura of pure carnal urge to the proceedings. Foxx used to be Tom Cruise’s best friend, incidentally. [Radar Online]

A hardcore sex tape featuring Tami Erin, a 39-year-old actress whose big break 25 years ago was playing the eponymous Pippi in The New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking, is being “shopped around town.”

Initially Erin said it was a bitter ex who released the tape, and has added that he filmed it without her consent, which is awful and fucked. Say tuned for the dirtpipe milkshake snuff film from that lady in Wee Sing in Sillyville. [Daily Mail]

Demi Lovato will be playing a love interest for Naya Rivera on Ryan Murphy’s Hormonal Von Trapp Children Program. [Us Weekly]

Above, a sort of tone-deaf new teaser for Season 5 that does not acknowledge Cory Monteith. [Gossip Cop]

  • Lamar Odom ditched an intervention staged by his former and current teammates on the L.A. Clippers and the L.A. Lakers. [Radar Online]
  • On the bright side, rumored drug addict Odom returned home to Khloe Kardashian. (Nobody calls them Khlomar, right? That would suck.) [TMZ]
  • Justin Timberlake halted his tour to hang with a 13-year-old brain surgery survivor. [TMZ]
  • Charlie Sheen: I’m Hunting a Half-Otter Man.” Been THERE. [TMZ]
  • Mama June danced her ass off at her bachelorette party before renewing her vows with Sugar Bear. [People]
  • Kate Middleton and her body left the house and everyone was like ahhh, let’s scrutinize. [Us Weekly]
  • *NSYNC still hate and love each other, like Brenda and Billy Chenowith or me and a box of Devil Dogs. [Us Weekly]
  • Joey Fatone split from his wife, insert Bye Bye Bye joke here, we are all gonna die someday. [Radar Online]
  • Taylor Swift went to dinner with Harry Styles after dropping an F-bomb on One Direction at the VMAs. She had a mocktail and felt things, probably. [Page Six]
  • One Direction’s rejoinder to said F-bomb: “Hashtag get over it.” [Gossip Cop]
  • Solange Knowles is eyeing a “cute yellow house” in New Orleans. Dooooittt, get out of godless Brooklyn, Borough Where Your Landlord Is Too Busy Working On His Experimental Roman-à-Clef Novel To Fix Your Faulty Fire Alarm. [Page Six]
  • Jay Z shielded Beyoncé from a totally justified scuffle Diddy had with a rando who was “partying too close to him.” [NYDN]
  • Here is the first picture of Jessica Simpson’s baby boy Ace Knute Johnson. [Us Weekly]
  • Bradley Cooper, 38, lounged in a park and read Lolita (like, actually) with his girlfriend Suki Waterhouse, 21, as a partially-erect Humbert Humbert watched from a nearby elm tree. [NYDN]
  • Obligatory Miley-watch (sorry, it’s my jorrrrb): “She’s still my little girl and I’m still her dad,” says Billy Ray Cyrus. [People]
  • “I was not expecting her to be putting her butt that close to my son,” says Robin Thicke’s bewildered mom. [NYDN]
  • Robin’s “bummed” that Miley twerked away with his thunder during the performance. [Us Weekly]
  • Miley Cyrus Needs to Take an African American Studies Class.” [Vice]
  • Miley’s recording a top-secret remix of “Black Skinhead” with Kanye West. [Page Six]
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