Oh My God, This Song for Hillary Clinton Is Beyond Awful

No, seriously, whatever badness you’re expecting, quadruple it and you might come close to the reality of this dreck. Somebody please tell me this is a massive prank. Or a deep-cover GOP stunt. Funny or Die. Hell, Jimmy Kimmel. ANYTHING.

The Washington Post points to this astonishing piece of aural pollution, from a group called Stand With Hillary. According to a previous WaPo piece, the PAC is real and hopes to “use social media to promote her image with Latinos and working families.” (So not officially affiliated with Team Hil.) They’re off to a rather rocky start! The video is goofy enough—between the farm equipment and the shots of wide-open spaces, it looks like they’re selling Dodge trucks. It is an Americana orgy of pandering.

Oh, but the song. THE SONG. The singer has clearly been working on his George Strait impression since 1994 and now he’s ready for the big time, baby. He lingers on those “America”s like he thinks it’ll impress the regulars at the roughest, toughest cowboy bar in East Texas. (Spoiler: It won’t.) Sample lyrics: “I’m thinking guys, put your boots on and let’s smash this ceiling/thinking about one great lady like the women in my life.” WRETCH. “Caring, hardworking, and once a first lady.” BARF. “She’s a mother, a daughter, and through it all she’s a loving wife.” I’M DEAD, BYE.

I challenge you to see how far you can actually make it into the song. Post your best times in the comments below. Pumped for 2016!!!!!