Semen, Giant Breasts, & Vogue: ANTM Is Back!


On last night’s premiere, we learned that the theme of Cycle 15 is “high fashion,” meaning that the contestants—needing to be suitable enough for the pages of Vogue Italia—might not end up with a career in wig modeling.

So what’s “high fashion”? According to Tyra, it’s somewhere along the lines of this:

The stakes are raised this cycle, as Tyra pointed out in her voice overs, with photographers that people have heard of (Patrick Demarchelier, Matthew Rolston) shooting the girls, and a grand prize in the form of an IMG contract, a spread in Vogue Italia, and the cover of something called Beauty in Vogue.

It makes sense that this girl was already eliminated do to her all too literal (or perhaps dated?) interpretation of “vogue”:

The semi-finals episode is always kind of anticlimactic, since we always know already which girls have made the cut. Still, it’s fun getting to meet a new batch of rejects, so we can watch their demise unfold before our very smize. Like this girl.

My husband mentioned that she looks like Marilyn Manson without his make up, which I guess is true, but I couldn’t think of Hatchet-Face from Cry-Baby.

It’s kind of shame because her pretension and 18-year-old version of wisdom could’ve added a lot of entertainment in the form of second-hand embarrassment to this cycle.

She supposedly hates pop culture and also mentioned that she’s “not a fan of dumb people or ignorant people.” Actually, it’s pretty dumb to go on a popular reality show if you hate pop culture, and pretty fucking ignorant to speak about it in that way on a popular reality show. It makes you look stupider than the haircut for which you refused to pay.

Speaking of ignorance, the token “culture shocked” country bumpkin really fucked up when she wrote in her diary, “I almost had to room with a black girl. Ew.”

It’s no surprise that she was eliminated when that was revealed, but I’m surprised that the editors didn’t work into the storyline exactly how the other girls found her diary, and why they thought it was OK to read it.

And while we’re on the topic of editing: After the promo for this cycle aired last month—featuring Tyra going gaga over one contestant’s impossibly small waist—she Tweeted that “editing” was to blame for her reaction. Usually it’s the cast of reality shows that blame editing, not the producers/creators. Anyway, the scene was chopped up and reworked to make it seem as though Tyra was very into the girl’s awkwardness.

There was also a photo provided to demonstrate that the girl has, in fact, eaten a sandwich. Subtle, no?

This girl made the cut despite having two huge obstacles—her boobs. 30G!

And here I thought this show already had enough boobs on it.

Did anyone else want to die laughing when Jay Manuel told one girl, “You have this beautiful, masculine face, but the hair really ruins it”? If that isn’t the spray tan calling the fruit orange…

And last, but absolutely not least, we’ve discovered the “thing” this cycle. You know, all cycles have them: degenerative blindness, endometriosis, penis, psoriasis, etc. This time around, it’s Spermatophobia.

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