I think we can all agree that the funniest thing in the world is a blooper, which means that the real funniest thing in the world is a bad tattoo, because it is a PERMANENT BLOOPER. SOMETIMES ON YOUR FACE.
In America, a person is legally allowed to get a tattoo—OF ANYTHING THEY WANT—permanently affixed to their body when they turn 18. This is obviously a recipe for hilarious disaster. When I was 18, my favorite things were sleeping, driving around, the band Sublime, those pink cookies from 7-11, and ironically watching an inspirational Sasquatch movie called Big and Hairy that I found in the Blockbuster clearance bin. I don’t have any tattoos, but if I did, it’s entirely possible that they’d be of Richard Thomas teaching a Sasquatch to play basketball. (FYI, there’s nothing in the rulebook that says a Sasquatch can’t play basketball.)
Zoe Saldana revealed today that she has “almost 10” (pretty sure we have a number for that, but okay) hidden tattoos in secret places, and that “My grandmother says that I look like a newspaper naked.” She’s also an admitted BAD TATTOO-MONGER:
“I can convince you of getting a tattoo in the worst place possible,” she revealed. “I am very convincing. That’s why I’ve always been sort of the bad influence out of all the girls in my family.”
Obviously, a lot of people get beautiful, meaningful tattoos the significance of which ne’er fades, and that’s fucking rad. But we don’t want to hear about those. We want to hear about the bad ones. Did you get a tramp stamp that you now hate? Did you fall victim to Zoe Saldana’s wicked wicked ways!? Did you wake up hungover with a poke-and-stick of a name you don’t recognize?
Tell us about it in comments! And, more importantly, SHOW US ABOUT IT. We’re overdue for a bad tattoo catharsis session.
Image of Justin Bieber’s incredibly terrible tattoo via Getty.