The Masked Singer Reaches Its Inevitably Absurd Conclusion


At one point in Wednesday’s season finale of The Masked Singer, Nicole Scherzinger (the best judge of anything this side of Judy) said that one of the contestants has the voice of “Baby Jesus and Fergie.” Together in harmony? Alternating one after the other? Fergie playing Baby Jesus in a local Christmas pageant? What did she mean???*

What did anyone mean? What did this show mean to tell me by ranking Gladys freaking Knight behind first runner up Donny Osmond and eventual winner T-Pain in its ultimate results? In any other arena, this would be travesty but because nonsense is the only sense The Masked Singer has, cultural injustice seems apt. It is the kind of place where a legend like Gladys Knight could be told, with a straight face by a noted anti-vaxxer, “Your experience as a vocalist, your experience as a performer is exactly why you are in the season finale of The Masked Singer tonight!” It’s the kind of show where T-Pain, under a fuzzy blue monster costume that was the size of a sports mascot’s, could week after week bemoan feeling ostracized only to have it turn out that he was referring to…backlash he received from using AutoTune?

What can you do at that—at all of that—but laugh?

The world is chaos, and so is The Masked Singer, but at least this stupid show that I couldn’t ever tear my eyes away from for a second, showed in its first season how lively and mind-meltingly enjoyable chaos can be.

Enjoy the montage. Enjoy whatever you can while you still can.

*It has been pointed out since posting this that is a reference to a line in Step Brothers (“Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus”). That’s funny, I should watch it again.

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