Things To Beware Of On The Ides Of March


Beware, you guys, for the Ides of March has come. And while the soothsayer’s warning failed to save Caesar from his fate, perhaps we can save each other from lesser dangers on this treacherous day.

  • Dog poop and/or chewing gum on city streets
  • Socks with sandals
  • That singing Filet-O-Fish commercial
  • Hail Caesar starring Anthony Michael Hall
  • Your friend who yells “SPOILER ALERT!” and gets pissed when you discuss a show that aired three years ago because she hasn’t seen it yet
  • The Broodwich
  • Watching Back to the Future Part II without watching the first movie
  • Acid washed jeans
  • Accidentally ending up at a “We Love Elisabeth Hasselbeck” rally
  • Unfrosted Pop-Tarts
  • A date with anyone who has appeared on a VH1 Reality Show
  • The No-Pants Plague
  • Not Googling it before asking “Who Is This Person And Why Should I Care?
  • Googling things to determine whether or not you should care about them
  • Not smiling with your eyes in Tyra’s presence
  • Getting on Judge Judy’s bad side
  • Benjamin Linus
  • Napping
  • Jumpsuits
  • Pissing Carrie off at the prom
  • Confessions Of A Shopaholic
  • Forgetting that it’s not a democracy, it’s a cheerocracy
  • Giving someone your heart and having them give you a pen
  • Maneaters
  • Death Eaters
  • Michael and Dina Lohan
  • Going up against a Sicilian when death is on the line
  • The bewitching power of Lisa Frank
  • The Trunchbull
  • Smiling at crocodiles
  • Ouiser Boudreaux
  • People named Brutus or Brut cologne
  • Unemployment
  • Criss Angel
  • Taking a ride on the Rock of Love Bus
  • Celine Dion’s cover of “You Shook Me All Night Long”
  • Friendahol
  • Purple Monkey Dishwashers
  • Pat Fucking Benatar
  • Evil Twins
  • Falling for The Leader of the Pack
  • Bratz
  • Strutz
  • Kellie Martin in 95% of her Lifetime movie roles
  • dsmvwllng
  • Listicles

It’s your turn, dear commenters. Warn away!

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