Things To Beware Of On The Ides Of March

• Dog poop and/or chewing gum on city streets
• Socks with sandals
• That singing Filet-O-Fish commercial
• Hail Caesar starring Anthony Michael Hall
• Your friend who yells “SPOILER ALERT!” and gets pissed when you discuss a show that aired three years ago because she hasn’t seen it yet
• The Broodwich
• Watching Back to the Future Part II without watching the first movie
• Acid washed jeans
• Accidentally ending up at a “We Love Elisabeth Hasselbeck” rally
• Unfrosted Pop-Tarts
• A date with anyone who has appeared on a VH1 Reality Show
• The No-Pants Plague
• Not Googling it before asking “Who Is This Person And Why Should I Care?
• Googling things to determine whether or not you should care about them
• Not smiling with your eyes in Tyra’s presence
• Getting on Judge Judy’s bad side
• Benjamin Linus
• Napping
• Jumpsuits
• Pissing Carrie off at the prom
• Confessions Of A Shopaholic
• Forgetting that it’s not a democracy, it’s a cheerocracy
• Giving someone your heart and having them give you a pen
• Maneaters
• Death Eaters
• Michael and Dina Lohan
• Going up against a Sicilian when death is on the line
• The bewitching power of Lisa Frank
• The Trunchbull
• Smiling at crocodiles
• Ouiser Boudreaux
• People named Brutus or Brut cologne
• Unemployment
• Criss Angel
• Taking a ride on the Rock of Love Bus
• Celine Dion’s cover of “You Shook Me All Night Long”
• Friendahol
• Purple Monkey Dishwashers
• Pat Fucking Benatar
• Evil Twins
• Falling for The Leader of the Pack
• Bratz
• Strutz
• Kellie Martin in 95% of her Lifetime movie roles
• dsmvwllng
• Listicles

It’s your turn, dear commenters. Warn away!