Steve Castor, the goon hired to steer Republicans through the impeachment hearings, made a sudden pivot to influencer and trendsetter when he was spotted wandering into Congress this morning with a tote bag that read: “Live, Eat, Shop, Reuse.” Considering how antithetical this mantra was to everything Republicans stand for—specifically recycling, or the ability to live—the bag shocked many in attendance. George Conway, best known as the xenomorph that burst out of that dude’s chest in Alien, and also husband of fellow extraterrestrial Kellyanne Conway, remarked on Twitter: “I hope the security screeners checked it for tofu and kale.”
Unfortunately, the bag was quickly meme’d by various D.C. bureau chiefs and reporters, who dubbed the tote Castor’s “briefcase.” Get it, because it’s a tote bag that he’s also using as a briefcase? D.C. types are hilarious! Worse, the grocery store where the bag originates, The Fresh Market, decided to seize on the moment with an impromptu sale, offering any and all who’d like to shop the chance to select briefcases of their own, but only if they need some of that tofu or kale George Conway was fretting over.
Meanwhile, the impeachment hearings raged on around Castor and his little green tote bag. NBC News reports that some dudes yelled at each other over those released call logs from Rudy Giuliani and Lev Parnas, who were definitely not committing some crimes together. Giuliani also claimed that will be releasing his own “report regarding his recent trip to Ukraine in an attempt to counter the impeachment inquiry into Trump,” per the outlet. Fun! [The Hill]
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