Visiting The Big Bang Theory on Its Deathbed, Week #13

By Hazel Cills | February 1, 2019 | 2:33pm

Entertainment TV

The Big Bang Theory is a CBS sitcom about a group of geeky adults that has run for 12 staggeringly long years. In that time period, it has attracted critical ire, many Emmys, and earned its stars million-dollar salaries. But now this show is dying and I, a pop culture critic with a heart made of onyx who has never even seen a single episode, have decided to watch the program weekly to pay my respects—and also roast it to death one last time.

Season 12, Episode 14: The Meteorite Manifestation

Summary: I get a lot of emails for this column from furious Big Bang Theory fans, especially fans of Sheldon. And I’d just like to reiterate my position to my *yells into megaphone* haters that I think he is a bad person and potential sociopath, with this most recent episode as further proof.

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In this week’s episode, Howard and Bernadette are alarmed to discover their neighbor has built a new balcony with bright flood lights shining directly onto their hot tub. They head over to the city zoning office to potentially file a complaint, but naturally it’s hell on earth and they give up. Sheldon, however, loves the labyrinth of pain that is this process so he offers to go file a complaint for them. But he discovers that Howard and Bernadette haven’t actually gotten parts of their home formally inspected either, like their deck and a bathroom they’ve remodeled. “Are you telling me I’ve showered in an un-inspected bathroom?” Sheldon asks. “You showered in our house?” Bernadette asks. “You made me hold your children, what did you expect me to do!” he says. What a lovely guy.

Sheldon, being the insensitive narc that he is, heads over to the city zoning office to file a complaint on his friends. Eventually he helps Howard and Bernadette and declines to turn their beautiful deck into the authorities because he values their friendship… for now, I can only assume!

Meanwhile, Bert (also works at Caltech with the BBT bros) casually discovers a meteorite and enlists Raj to help him inspect it. Leonard feels left out because he has a fancy laser that can split open the meteorite. He even has a dream where he steals the meteorite, splits it open, and becomes a zombie. When he begins to eat Raj with glowing pink eyes, my heart fluttered at the idea that this show would veer off into horror, but alas it is still a show about a group of nerdy grown-ups living in the same apartment building. Sigh. Leonard eventually apologizes for being jealous and rude to Bert and Raj.

Worst joke: When Howard and Bernadette go to the city office, at one point the guy they’re working with is yelled at by a woman named Linda. “That’s Linda,” he says, whispering. “She’s going through the change.”

Nerdiest moment: Bert named his office saw, which he’ll use to cut the meteorite, “Terry Bradsaw.” I approve.

What I learned this week: Bernadette and Howard apparently give their kids Benadryl when they want to have sex or just be alone in their hot tub, according to a comment Raj slipped. I’ve yet to see these children, for all I know they could be a set of tree stumps these two have convinced themselves are human. Maybe Bernadette has an elaborate Victorian doll collection she treats like her own real children! Can you tell I’m trying to imagine this show into a program I’d more enjoy watching?

Did I laugh?: No, but I liked when Bert said that he doesn’t “really have dreams in sleep or in life.” I guess the takeaway from this episode is that I like Bert.

How dead is this show?: It’s flirty, thirty-ish, and thriving!