Watching This Low-Quality Video of Kim Zolciak's New Single 'Wig' Is the Worst Way to Celebrate Pride

By Bobby Finger  |  June 11, 2018 | 4:00pm
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It’s June, which means just about everything about popular culture makes me proud to be gay. I’m proud of Ocean’s 8, a queer fantasy. I’m proud of Hereditary because it’s giving gay icon Toni Collette another chance in the spotlight. I don’t give a single shit about the Tony Awards, but I’m proud of any event that gives people a chance to dump on Neil Patrick Harris.

But Pride month is on the verge of total ruin thanks to a new song from Real Housewives of Atlanta and Don’t Be Tardy star Kim Zolciak-Biermann. The presumably computer-generated single “Wig” has been teased on her Instagram and played in lower than low-quality in front of an audience of tens at the 5th Annual Stoli Key West Cocktail Classic, and both versions have come dangerously close to making me incapable of feeling proud of anything, let alone my own gayness.

A sample of its lyrics:

My wig my wig my wig, and my wig my wig yeah
My wig my wig my wig, and my wig my wig yeah
[…]
Get off my wig my wig my wig, and my wig my wig yeah

While the word “Wig” is often used as shorthand for “wig-snatched” or “snatched my wig” (a phrase used to express extreme awe and surprise), Zolciak-Biermann seems to be using it as a literal reference to her own wigs—of which she remains proud despite their being described as “Party City wigs” by nemesis and fellow Real Housewife NeNe Leakes.

Though it may be unfair of me to judge a song based on tinny audio captured by a cell phone camera at an outdoor event attended by screaming people, it doesn’t change the fact that no attempt at LGBT Pride has ever been less effective.

Per her Instagram, “Wig” will be available “soon.” Bye, Wig.

 
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