Fall is my favorite time of the year if only because it frees me from this oppressive heat which makes me feel like death and smell like old balls.
Seriously, I can step outside for two minutes and walk around the block and it looks like I just ran a marathon on meth. Plus, hiney spiders are just the worst, man. Hate the heat. But, autumn, sweet autumn, is the best, mainly because it reminds me of back to school shopping with my mom. Oh yeah — who had a Structure credit card at 17? That’s right, this douche:
Now, I’m on my own and just kind of clueless. I buy jeans, a sweater, and 80 pairs of socks and then I’m pretty much done until I have to go to a wedding or something where I’ll just either buy a blazer or borrow a suit. But this fall, I’m not determined to look like a wangbox. I know most of you ladies are probably just sitting around waiting for stuff to do, so make yourselves useful and tell me what the fuck to buy this year. Gimme examples in the comments of well-dressed men I should emulate so I don’t end up just spending $1,000 at Earnest Sewn just because I can’t think of anything better to do.
And please tell me if I’m supposed to buy those military jackets because J. Crew tells me to? I’ve still got fourteen pairs of cargo pants from the last time I listened to those bastards in, oh, 2002 or something.
Thanks.