What Should John Fetterman Wear as a Senator? A Style Guide

Despite the Senate not opening up to include tax-paying U.S. territories like Washington, D.C., and Puerto Rico, it is still getting bigger. How? Six-foot-9" John Fetterman is headed there this January after defeating New Jersey resident Dr. Mehmet Oz for Pennsylvania’s Senate seat. Along with his leftist stances, like supporting universal healthcare, legalizing cannabis, and being pro-abortion, Fetterman is a staunch shorts-and-hoodie wearer. No matter the weather, whatever the occasion, you’re likely to see Fetterman decked in head-to-toe casual-ass clothes.

This presents a problem for the hulking politician. The Capitol building, which houses the U.S. Senate, is obsessed with decorum, rules, and “looking nice.” Women are expected to cover their shoulders, and men are expected to be in a suit, tie, and....pants. Only recently have staffers started wearing sneakers.

But politicians are basically Olympic-level fact-spinners, so, sure, Fetterman might not be able to wear shorts on the Senate floor. But who would stop him from wearing knee-length formal pants? A hoodie might not be seen as respectable, but an exaggerated cowl-neck sweater that is worn backwards? That might just work.

We want to help Fetterman’s transition into the Senate be as successful and smooth as possible. Lucky for us, and even luckier for Fetterman, the holidays are right around the corner. So for Gisele, or any Fetterman family members looking to get him a gift this year, we present to you an inspirational slideshow of formal shorts ahem knee-length pants John can wear to work starting next year.

For a big boy like Fetterman, it only makes sense to take cues from the biggest fashion boys on the planet: NBA players. Let’s take a look at some great short suits worn in the league. These giants’ knees, the backbones of their legs, need to be free and seen.

Here is a snazzier short-suit option worn by Mr. Green. This look would be perfect should Fetterman be invited to a state dinner at the White House.

Alright, let’s branch out from the ultra-formal short-suit and appreciate Harden’s matching short and top set, complete with a matching jacket. I could see Fetterman wearing this on a summer Friday on the Hill before heading back north to Lake Harmony, a place my Pennsylvanian colleague Susan Rinkunas said is a place Pennsylvanians might vacation.

We’re really thinking out of the box with this look, but let’s just focus on the shorts. Yes, the amount of leather needed to swath Fetterman’s thighs would require a herd of cattle to be slaughtered, but that’s why they call the look a slay. I’d love to see him wearing this while voting to codify abortion rights.

Fetterman would look stellar in this slimming, vertically-lined short suit set. It’s sort of an avant-garde nod to Western PA’s steel industry. He’s a man of the people, after all!

Ah yes, the elevated silk basketball shorts. I think Fetterman would take to these most naturally. Imagine him in the Senate, the shimmer of these silk shorts standing against the velvet ropes lining the chamber. Gorgeous. I vote, Yes!

Until Fetterman gets on the phone with Allentown native Thom Browne, he’s basically just wasting his time. The king of suit shorts needs to name Fetterman as his next brand ambassador, the face of his spring campaign, and the finale of his next runway show, stat.

Let’s return to fashionable NBA players. Wade’s long jacket over the matching shorts would look exquisite on Fetterman as he stumps for unions, advocates for abortion rights, or just continues to dunk on Dr. Oz.

The Senator will presumably have some downtime while in D.C., and should he want to take a stroll (or a roll) alongside the city’s Wharf, this is the ‘fit to do so in.

This formal short-suit set along with the boat shoes is a bit preppy for Fetterman’s taste, but D.C. is, unfortunately, a preppier city than Pittsburgh. I, personally, am interested in seeing Fetterman’s biceps.

Who are we kidding? Fetterman should roll up to the Capitol in Western PA’s finest look: a matching Steelers short set. It’s the representation the district deserves.